A Sunny Day Out!!!!

At one point in time, Auto was the easiest, most convenient and fastest mode of commuting for me!!! I have, at some time, believed a rick gets you faster to the destination than a car :P

After a longggg time, today I travelled almost half the city by auto!! That's when I realised so many things that I fail to notice when I drive.....what's frustrating when you drive is hilarious when you are a spectator/a passenger in an auto!!!

Snippets of the typical Hyderabad traffic:

• Bullock cart on the extremeee right lane, which supposedly is the 'fast lane'
• A fully loaded RTC bus, sincerely taking the left lane and leaving the entire right lane empty, BUT still a scooter-ist hopelessly tries to overtake the bus from the left :D
• Its a routine by the day to witness conituous, impatient honking at the traffic signal, especially when there is a 'stop' light - but I saw this one kid on a bicycle honking a BMW in a way to say "MOVE IT" - EHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
• MCH tank watering all plants in the world in peak traffic area, under the scorching heat, slowwlly moving around - in the right lane!!
• Road Sweeping Truck which is awfully slow, sweeping away the roads in peak traffic hours, in the busiest of roads and on the narrowest of flyovers!!

Exceptionally hot weather, equally dusty, thoroughly polluted roads, a total wrong time to travel in an auto - yet - it was FUN!

The Bond!!!

Conversation 1
Him: I think I am for ‘it’
Me: You “think”?
Him: Ok – I am for ‘it’
Me: Same Pinch!!

Conversation 2:
Him: So, what do you want for dinner?
Me: Something Niceee
Him: Like?
Me: Something spicy, yummy, crunchy, something realllyyy nice (already drooling)
Me: What do you want for dinner?
Him: Simple Dal and rice

Conversation 3:
Him: Let’s go for a walk!
Me: NOW?
Him: Yeah, kyon thak gayi ho kya?
Me: Its 1:30AM!!!!!!

I am so glad we made “it” happen! May this craziness never ever ever stop!

Happy Anniversary you kuku fellow!

Trick the Dumb!!!

“An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded” – Unknown!

Yes – I have been and continue to be part of the weird genus - Auditors!!!

As part of my “esteemed profession”, I get to meet quite a lot of people. People of different kinds…so different, that it amuses me at times :-O

To give some random samples of what happens in a typical everyday client facing experience of an auditor –

• When asked if they have a Disaster Recovery Procedure in place for the business, this guy (my client contact) replies “we pray” !!!!
• There was this one gentleman who addressed me as “madam” till the office hours and post that it was “beta” – so much for professionalism!!
• In yet another instance, while we were in endless discussions on the issues identified and this guy hopelessly trying to convince me to write stuff his way and frustrated with the stubborn ground I put in, said “you are a tough nut to crack” – making it just more verbal of how he deals with "the nuts” every now and then!
• Deal with a person for about a fortnight, make his life a living hell, untiringly shoot questions at him one after another and just about when you start building an acquaintance, end up with a long list of issues and tell the same fellow that he is not doing his work well enough (EHAHAHA) that’s not it –its mostttttttt embarrassing/ arduous/ uncomfortable, when I tell it to a person three times my age – he probably would have started his career when I started to walk!
• I tell a client "four out of ten things I checked was not in line with the process" and he tells me “its only 40% na, maaf kardo”!!!!
• Another client, irritated that I did not heed to his requests of changing the details to suit his convenience, calls me twice to inform, he is calling my manager – what he expects me to say is way beyond my understanding – Should I be saying (according to him) “no-no please don’t call my manager (sounding terrorized)!!!!! Du-huh!! (btw – he never called my manager!)
• This one person, after discussing a potential issue, came up with a common association we might have (ex: my mom taught in the same school as his son studied) – the more the issues, the quest to find more common associations increased!!
• One of the chaps, called his subordinate and said “these youngsters have something to say”– Ahem!
• At the end of allllllll this - almost all of them say "you can be assured to come back with the same issues in the next year" - so much for audit!!!

Sometimes in the process, we lose our individual identity I suppose. Right from the security guard, to the receptionist, to the heads of departments – we introduce ourselves as “Auditors” and we are also introduced amogst themselves as "auditors". Then, if need be comes the name!!

At times, we are the means of getting work done by the staff for the middle management and at other times, the staff would use the “auditors’ ” reference to get access to office information/gossip from the managers!

It’s funny, how we go about our work, even after knowing every person coordinating with us there loathes us with all his heart, for every smile given there is almost always an inner dialogue of hatred – yet, we flout all such feelings of despise and brazenly get going with work!

But stil we robotically go back to these people year after year after year and in between this struggle to handle all the sweet talks, the threats, the reluctance, the disgust – we end up training ourselves to handle almost all varieties human species!!!

Thus, the day ends with a smirk on either’s face and a mutual feeling – they feel they’ve tricked the dumb and vice-versa ;-) !!!

Summer Holidays!!

On my way to work yesterday, I had seen some school children rushing in, to make it on time for the school prayer and some very merrily playing around least bothered about the time, some whining kids who did not want to go in but were dragged and pushed by their parents.

I very clearly make my place in the last category mentioned there! I HATED going to school, because my school bus came to pick me up as early as 7:15AM untiringly morning after morning!

The process of waking me up started at 6:00AM. I always wanted 15 more minutes of sleep, after which I invariably had a “stomach ache” and would declare myself sick. My mom would let another 15 minutes pass and would ask again if I my “head ache” was ok and I would always say it’s still there and is terrible.

She would then, immediately drag me down the bed and into the washroom for a shower (it was obvious how “terribly sick” I was with the “shifting” pain) and there were these constant banging on the doors to make sure I haven’t slept in there!

My mom worked on packing my food, dad getting me to eat and my brother packed the bag of books. I lazillyyy walked out of the house five minutes before the bus arrival with a hope that I would miss the bus and could get back to bed. Sadly for me, the bus driver knew the kid count so well and by face that he stopped for me. Just in case I ever managed to miss the bus, there were these group of uncles from my colony (whose kids also went to the same school as me) who actually cared to put me on their scooter and chase the bus dramatically and made sure I boarded it. Back then, it looked to me as if everyone’s motive in life was just to make sure I went to school, by hook or by crook!

The best part I loved about school were the holidays – the summer holidays! They were amazzzinnngggg fun!! We were a bunch of cousins, who spent our holidays together!! Countless games played, loads of masti, surrounded by the family, delicious food, incessant pampering by our grandparents and total attention to our tantrums! Those were the days of childhood when it felt, life is always gonna continue like this – with pains of going to school rewarded by exciting, joyful and fun filled holidays! Even with all this, I possibly still thought it wasn’t fun enough – growing up was more apt an idea of fun!

Then - I grew up and all those years later, I guess I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that, Summer Holidays cease to exist and that they are transitory!!! I have no issues personally with growing up/growing old except that, sometimes it means geographically scattered relations and extinct summer holidays!

Like someone said "If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older" :D

So, I have a brilliant plan - I will become a primary school teacher, relive my childhood through theirs, teach 9 out of 12months and most importantly reclaim my summer holidays - EHAHAHAHA!

Kid(ding)???

Over the weekend I happened to volunteer for a workshop (a pilot) of Experiential Learning. It had kids between ages 5 – 13years. It was fun to see a class full of kids, buzzing with energy, competing to answer the questions.

When you have sooo many kids, you are bound to have funny & embarrassing incidents. So, here are the tales!

So, during one of the sessions, the facilitator showed this (below) picture to the kids and asked who they think it was?

I obviously, didn't know the answer, but was expecting the kids to come up with something like Krish/Hrithik Roshan or the kinds and one of the 4year old raised his hand and answered "it is a man" :)....The other, a 13year old actually actually answered "Icarus was the son of Daedalus. Its a story from Greek Mythology" :O I was probably at 13 watching Ramanand Sagar's Ramayan and was struggling to understand (a smalllll) part of Indian and probably didn't even know Greece existed (and even if I did, I for sure knew nothing of "Greek Mythology")!!!!!!!

In another instance, there was this lady who conducted a session on First Aid who had a volunteer from the kids and was demonstrating the procedure for basic first aid and told them they could try/practice it on their parents or siblings, saying which she had 100% attention of the class! So, this one little chutku explains (with no doubt whatsoever) that “we should go home, make a cut to parents/siblings hand and then try the First Aid :)”….now, howz that?????

In the same session, the kids were shown some photographs and asked to identify what they are! In one such session they were shown this (below) picture:

Kids, each one of them (right from Class I to Class VIII) answered in unison: “Red Blood Cells”

I answered: “Chocos” (the cereals)

After the first incidence, this was like fuel to the fire.....How embarrassed was I! Even if I couldn’t I wanted to try as hell, fit myself in the window adjacent and jump from where I was :|

P.S: These are the times when I feel no remorse for not being in the "today's generation" and don't really mind being ancient!!!

Experience - the name everbody gives their mistakes!!!

I was chatting with one of my friends at work and as usual, I ended up hopping from one topic to the other then other and it finally ended up in I narrating 'experiences' at my first job. The poor girl didn’t have a choice but to listen to all of it. But, after I finished going on a ‘its-so much-fun-recollecting-those-days’ spree, I thought I should post about it, before the memories get muddled!

After my college, I considered various professions that I would be interested in, which ranged from secretarial course, hotel management, hospital management, MBA to being a Chartered Accountant – today, interestingly I hold none of those qualifications – but, back then I had decided to pursue Chartered Accountancy.

I had to do a three year training for it and so went about applying at various firms. The first place I ever went to drop my resume was Ferguson (trust me it took me a day to pronounce it right), I actually kept an auto rickshaw waiting and went in to drop my resume. There was this guy (I don’t know what his position was in the firm, must be a manager or likes) who said, he is going to conduct an interview for which I blurted out "I have an auto waiting and I am getting late for lunch” and I guess it threw him off his balance. I also backed it up by saying I wasn’t prepared. He convinced me it wouldn’t take much time and that it would be easy. He asked me “sales entry”, which is THE basic thing u learn in commerce/finance, needless to say I was too nervous to give him a right answer.

Out of kindness, to make it easy for me ended up asking the tough-est question ever, "what's your favourite subject?" Ironically, I never had a 'favourite subject'!!! After a lot of deliberation, I declared statistics as my favourite subject (the only subject, where I had scored 99%). He asked me questions from stats and my expression was priceless - I stared into his face with a totallly blank expression!! No prizes for guessing the outcome – I never got through!

Undeterred that I was, I went on with giving my resumes around. So, this one firm – Ernst & Young (where I eventually ended up joining) I went to meet the HR. She looked at my graduation scores which were a mix of highs and lows but never outwardly higher and a little below the firm’s cut-off for intake candidates. She said “you will have to work really hard if you are in”, I nodded my head in reply. Then she asked “how do you think you can work hard, when you never did that till date?”(I wonder how did she know that????) The smarty that I was, I replied “there is always a first time for everything” – EHAHAHAHAHA!

After a few days, I had a next round of interview with a manager there. There were about 30 (approx) candidates and most of them looked scholarly. I assumed I stand no chance, but hanged on there. So, when the manager called me in, he asked me if I read news papers, while all I read in them were the cartoons, I managed to sound like a regular at reading them but never specified for once 'what' I read in them (EHAHAHAHAHA again). He went on and asked me “do you know why financial statements are made in an excel sheet and not in word?” I thought, considered his question and after a minute or two answered “because excel has lines and boxes and word is like a plain paper”!!

Again after a couple of weeks I had an other interview with the next level in their hierarchy (Yes, I was shortlisted, even after all those tasteful responses). I met this very nice, somber (and good looking) gentleman, who was my interviewer. In between the interview, he had to attend a call so, I was sitting there waiting for the next question, when I saw the first ever split AC of my life. It was on ‘swing’ mode. I was mesmerized looking at it ‘swing’ so gracefully (before you ask – I still don’t know what was so mesmerizing about it). When he finished his call, I was still swinging my head in sync with ‘the swing’!!!

So, finalllyyyy came the joining day (YES!!! Irrespective of my total gavar, angutha chap behavior I did get selected). Everyone (my co-joinees) was very excited and anxious to meet the partner – except me, who was pretty calmed down about it. I had always read about partners in my books in graduation. For every problem we were given, there was always a ‘X is partner of Y firm’, so for me any partner was as normal and random as a ‘X’. It took a couple of days for it to sink into my head, what it was being a partner in Ernst & Young – one of the five (it is four now) largest international accountancy and professional services firm in the world!!!! I was so unreasonably naive!!!!

The initial days, when I was not allotted any work, I observed all my seniors. They always had prints of some or the other balance sheets of clients which they were working on. There were a lot of annual reports which were given to us, so we can read through. I browsed through a few now and then and was awestruck by the fact that every balance sheet there, each one of them, had tallied – for me, (whose only knowledge was limited to college) cumulatively in all those five years (2 years of +1 +2 & 3 years of graduation) when I studied commerce, I would have tallied some five balance sheets (“cumulatively”)!! I was floored!! I marveled at the fact that the firm was filled with geniuses who could tally any and all balance sheets!!! It took me my first assignment to understand that it was not a rare skill. Firstly, it was always done by client personnel. Secondly, almost everything was system generated.

Now, as I think of it, it sounds hilarious. Back then, it was pure excitement. I got back home every day describing how amazing that place was. How beautiful the decor was, how smart the people were. It took couple of late nights, extremely crazy work hours and irrational bossism to sedate the excitement!!!

After 6+ years in this industry and working for three such firms, I am now not excited anymore, but fascinated definitely I am, at their amazing knowledge base (in people and in paper), never ending work hours, extremely dependable manpower, aggressive leadership and how things are always needed on a yesterday basis and yet things to get done ON TIME!!

It’s a different world out here….to say the least!

Living it!

It’s that time of the year when the calendar is filled with festivals – Eid, Navaratri, Diwali… Everyone…(well..almost everyone) is excited for some reason or the other…some for the thrill of festivities, the foodies of course have a feast all through, some lazy types like me thrive on the holidays and in the place I come from, they are more than elated about the 10 day term break they earned after four full terms of stress and distress!!

We have a Dandiya-Nite today in the campus. It promises to be great fun and energies are obviously running high!! I have one and precisely ONLY ONE memory of Dandiya and oh man what a fun it was!! This was about three years back – when few of us were planning for dandiya. After days of emotionally traumatizing my mom of how I would be missing on so much fun, and trading off by doing something which I dreaded and something she despartely needed me to do (which was getting a photo of mine clicked for 'ladke waale'), after assurance I would be in safe hands etc etc I finnaallly got the nod.

So, around eight of us went on an evening, all excited and thrilled. We ended up going to one of the expensive dandiya locations and that realization dawned upon us when we shelled out money for the entry ticket. Boyy….what a place it was - filled with laughter, colors, nonchalant chatter and music. There were people who matched the beat and the rhythm so well…..sooo very well…I was fascinated by the grace in their movements, rhythmic flow of steps, synch between absolute strangers (who for sure haven’t ‘rehearsed’ together)….it was amazinnggg….I was having fun watching them, when we thought it’s high time we try a step or two….so we all went in to dance or 'try' rather. For the novices that we were, we chose to form our own little circle. In total contrast to the veterans, we were totally out of rhythm, ridiculously clumsy and I wouldn’t even want to mention our co-ordination!!! But, it was absolute fun!!!!

Tired after a while, we decided to munch on something. We went around the stalls in search of food. We probably bought a plate or two of the super expensive chat and decided would share it. It very very obviously did not suffice the group of eight or six that we were. We decided it’s too expensive in there to have food and considering we had enough ‘hands-on’ of dandiya and more importantly, the perpetual 'kangals' that we were, we decided to move out and have food elsewhere. We left on our bikes, totally high from the excitement. Cool breeze, lovely night, empty roads – wait, did I say empty roads? I should rephrase it to 'totally deserted roads' – it was 2:00 AM and evidently, there was not a single food joint open. We checked out places where they served midnight buffet only to see that they were scraping out pieces of leftovers, if any!! It was already about 3:00AM then. We wandered randomly, in search of food and then decided to go home finally. This sensible thought struck us only around 3:30AM or about that time. With me was Nandu, whom I would rather call family than a friend, he lived right across the street from my house. I have known him ever since he was a kid (and he still remains so). This dude, me and his khatara kinetic – we definitely had some of the best times together. If I had a younger brother, he would be someone like him and I am convinced about that. (Getting back to the topic) Nandu and me bid goodbye to the other folks in the group. We were giggling, chatting away, driving in the cold morning and were still searching for food. We then found this blessing in disguise of a sandwich stall...realized it was the month of Ramadan and hence there was food available at that hour of the day. We hogged on the yummmmmyyyy sandwiches (well….if you are hungry at 4:30AM any food would taste delicious) happy and pleased with ourselves went back home around 5:30AM!!!

It was a day filled with fun, excitement, thrill, tad bit of craziness of driving at extreme speeds at that hour of the night (or day as you would choose to call 2:00AM and beyond - looking back it feels scary now!). I am sure I cannot relive the moment but I am more than glad I lived it!!!

P.S: Did I mention that in an attempt to play Dandiya, I managed to miff few fingers of the brave-hearted who tried to teach me a step or two!