Perceive, Pursue & Protect!

For someone who’s biggest academic achievement is a long lost memory, I have never ventured much into the academic arena. It didn’t take much out of me to keep it that way. I always managed keeping my work life not-so-happening, personal life a balanced wave and academic life dormant!!

Then out of the blue, with no notice whatsoever, crept in few crazy little ideas of future!! I started perceiving things from a different perspective; I started having scary thoughts of pursuing further academics :-O ….. The fact is I suspect I have very few grey cells in my head, I suppose the number is around three….for the first time all the three were put to task at once and the result was destructive…well ALMOST – I enrolled onto a professional course, which I deemed was a great value add!

I was an IDIOT!

I know you would agree with the statement and for all those who would want to say “I know you are, but why this time?” I’ll tell you why!! In the past, I quit my job (the one prior to the current) to get done with a course, which was half tough as this!! I actually QUIT my job, when all I had to do was work and study! There were only two aspects!!Now – not only is this course twice as hard as the earlier one, but I chose to do it while working, cooking, driving (it’s a task, a hideous one)!! WOW!! No WOW - CRAP - I have an emergency - the three grey cells have been assigned to perform one task each and now I have NO GREY CELLS left to retain what I study (when I study)!!

Perception behind the crazy decision – I have never had a professional qualification, but have always worked with people who have one or loads of them…. I have always, in the interviews (two of them for now) been told I can’t be given the position I deserve, since I am not a “QUALIFIED”….it didn’t matter to me much then and neither now…BUT when the three crazy grey things were put to work, MAYBE this side was ruptured and in that academically passionate moment, I decided to try being a professional (yet again)!!!

Current day situation – Five months after enrollment, post 14 classroom sessions – I haven’t touched my books. I do see them around in the house though!!

Current day frustration – I like assuming, I have too little time…too little energy….too little stamina….too much to handle and too much to study!! I like telling everyone I am BUSY, WANT to and YET can’t study. The actual FACTUAL thing is – I, am NOT trying! I am NOT putting in any effort whatsoever to pursue what I perceived! I denied accepting this, until…..

Yesterday, while I was watching the movie ‘In Pursuit of Happyness’ (it’s a awesomely touching movie), there was a particular dialogue, which just took me instantly, when Will Smith (“slurp-slurp-drooollll”) says “You got a dream, you gotta protect it” – how true!! How very true!!!

In my case, I gotta protect mine from myself, from the bad me in me!! If it takes pulling of a grey cell from one of the tasks (above) arbitrarily, I SHALL!!!