Then and Now, How!!!!!

 

Long long ago but not very long ago, when I heard my grandmas start with “maa kalam lo aitey” it meant a conversation loaded with skepticism about me and my generation….little did I realize that they had some very interesting and insightful tales to tell J

I can’t put my finger on when exactly I started using similar phrases, but start I did! We are sooooo far away from the 70s and 80s that, when you show endangered traits of ethics, humility and loyalty people end up asking “meeru 70s/ early 80s model aa?” :D :D

As I thought through and observed over a period of time, I did realise that few things hadn't changed, it was just the perception that did, but few things DID change and my valuable unsolicited opinion on them are painfully illustrated below:

THEN	NOW
Our parents used to send us off to their parents’ place.	Most of us pack up the troubles and send them off to camps!
It was thrilling to get a personalized greeting/post card, even though you knew a similar card may have reached a huge chunk of humanity, it was still endearing to read your name above and the sign below!	The very fact that someone has taken the time out to actually type in your email ID and sent in an e-card is touching!! (who said emotions have dwindled)
The then snail mail – The joy of  receiving an authentic hand written letter from a friend/cousin and the thrill of opening it carefully, since the slightest gash may mean an incomplete sentence….that joy, that thrill remains unparalleled!!!	The now snail mail – all you get by post now are your mounting credit card statements and waning bank account statements!   The now e-mail – thanks to the absurd emails of ‘find love!’, ‘you have won $300,00,000’, ‘Your June eStatement’, ‘Transaction Alert!’, that when you get even a two liner from an ACTUAL person, you most often than not, read it twice J
If you were feeling low and wanted some retail therapy, you would go the nearest flea market bargain yet hardly buy, roam around, have fun looking at new collections and get home.	Now you still continue to feel low and still feel a pressing need for retail therapy, but all you have to do to feel better is, login and buy something online!
We were mostly on a see food diet, we saw food and we ate it!	We don’t drink maaza since it is contaminated, we cut down on most fruits as they have carbide, we are skeptical about veggies as they have chemicals written all over them, we are vary of soft drinks as they have pesticides, we  aren’t sure about Maggie since there is some appalling video doing rounds!!! Thank god I can have a glass of water in peace or can I?
Long hair.	Longing for hair!!!

After saying allllll that I have said above and still not saying most of it, I will never know how it feels to be a teenager having some cool gadgets/apps and they will never know what it feels like to push a VHS tape into a VCR :P :P

Who's Buying????

A and me were watching TV (a very rare occurrence) and there were sooooo many commercials! That’s not the point, the point is while watching one of those I said “kaun khareed ta hai yeh sab? Kya faltu ad hai” and A said, “you aren’t their target audience”!

That got me thinking, realllyyy thinking, I started watching commercials profoundly and I realized (based on what and how they are trying to sell):

·       Fastrack watches clearly aren’t for me – definitely NOT, though I have couple of those in reality!

·       Raaga collection – only if my arms/forearms/wrist is anywhere closer to what Katrina Kaif’s is – which in current day is not even a distant possibility!

·       Levis – to be bought only if you are running all day and jumping balconies!!!

·       Maaza – Who in the world drinks it like Katrina? I just gulp it down my throat!

So, is the TV not selling me anything at all?????

It is:

·        Harpic – an extremely fake ‘ordinary’ looking housewife opening the door for a semi-celebrity to clean up her washroom.

·       Moov – it’s a must to remember the ad and the product every time a mom/home makers have an aching back, because the other half of the humanity is likely only to have low energy levels not back aches.

·       Dish washing soaps – again a housewife profoundly immersed in a ‘family soap’, being disturbed only to sell a ‘washing soap’!

·       Ready-to-eat snacks - Inspite of the fact that I can’t picture Kareena Kapoor even lifting a spoon in her kitchen,I did try these!

As someone aptly said – “Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need”

Auntzilla!!!

So….a cousin and I were having a silly, no-point discussion and then the third entered and just said few simple words “you both have become such aunties” then, I tried to bully him with no satisfactory results!!!

But it got me thinking, what defines to be an aunty – when you share your everyday menu? Spend considerable amount of your time in the kitchen, cooking, scrubbing, cleaning, and washing? Is it when your age starts to get into mind boggling figures of 30 and above or is it when your waist line is above 34?

After some thinking and putting my teensy-weensy brain cells to work, I comprehended that, it is when:

·         You see these absolutely beautiful, awe striking hugeee houses and the first things you wonder about is –“how do they maintain it?”, “how do they manage when the maid takes an off??” and “how do they afford their EMIs???”……and then slowly comes in the admiration for the architectural intelligence :D

·         Tea is more of a chore than a refreshing hot beverage!

·         You feel sad when your husband works on a day off, but are shattered when your maid takes an off!

·         You hear a new-age concept like a live-in or witness a funky hairdo, your immediate reaction is rocking your head sideways in disappointment and then think “I might take a whole lifetime to recover if my kids get there”

·         You look at teenage kids hanging around jobless and instead of thinking “been there, done that” you end up thinking “when do they do their homework???”

·         You almost do a serious penance every single day, but break each self-made rule by having an opinion about anything that crawls/walks/breathes!!!!

But the commonestttt of all is, that something somewhere breaking inside of you into a million pieces every time you hear someone call you “aunty-aunty-aunty”

Regardless of alllll and more of the above – there are the YO aunties and there are the sad aunties – without any further notes on this – I am the former!!!

A Sunny Day Out!!!!

At one point in time, Auto was the easiest, most convenient and fastest mode of commuting for me!!! I have, at some time, believed a rick gets you faster to the destination than a car :P

After a longggg time, today I travelled almost half the city by auto!! That's when I realised so many things that I fail to notice when I drive.....what's frustrating when you drive is hilarious when you are a spectator/a passenger in an auto!!!

Snippets of the typical Hyderabad traffic:

• Bullock cart on the extremeee right lane, which supposedly is the 'fast lane'
• A fully loaded RTC bus, sincerely taking the left lane and leaving the entire right lane empty, BUT still a scooter-ist hopelessly tries to overtake the bus from the left :D
• Its a routine by the day to witness conituous, impatient honking at the traffic signal, especially when there is a 'stop' light - but I saw this one kid on a bicycle honking a BMW in a way to say "MOVE IT" - EHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
• MCH tank watering all plants in the world in peak traffic area, under the scorching heat, slowwlly moving around - in the right lane!!
• Road Sweeping Truck which is awfully slow, sweeping away the roads in peak traffic hours, in the busiest of roads and on the narrowest of flyovers!!

Exceptionally hot weather, equally dusty, thoroughly polluted roads, a total wrong time to travel in an auto - yet - it was FUN!

Trick the Dumb!!!

“An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded” – Unknown!

Yes – I have been and continue to be part of the weird genus - Auditors!!!

As part of my “esteemed profession”, I get to meet quite a lot of people. People of different kinds…so different, that it amuses me at times :-O

To give some random samples of what happens in a typical everyday client facing experience of an auditor –

• When asked if they have a Disaster Recovery Procedure in place for the business, this guy (my client contact) replies “we pray” !!!!
• There was this one gentleman who addressed me as “madam” till the office hours and post that it was “beta” – so much for professionalism!!
• In yet another instance, while we were in endless discussions on the issues identified and this guy hopelessly trying to convince me to write stuff his way and frustrated with the stubborn ground I put in, said “you are a tough nut to crack” – making it just more verbal of how he deals with "the nuts” every now and then!
• Deal with a person for about a fortnight, make his life a living hell, untiringly shoot questions at him one after another and just about when you start building an acquaintance, end up with a long list of issues and tell the same fellow that he is not doing his work well enough (EHAHAHA) that’s not it –its mostttttttt embarrassing/ arduous/ uncomfortable, when I tell it to a person three times my age – he probably would have started his career when I started to walk!
• I tell a client "four out of ten things I checked was not in line with the process" and he tells me “its only 40% na, maaf kardo”!!!!
• Another client, irritated that I did not heed to his requests of changing the details to suit his convenience, calls me twice to inform, he is calling my manager – what he expects me to say is way beyond my understanding – Should I be saying (according to him) “no-no please don’t call my manager (sounding terrorized)!!!!! Du-huh!! (btw – he never called my manager!)
• This one person, after discussing a potential issue, came up with a common association we might have (ex: my mom taught in the same school as his son studied) – the more the issues, the quest to find more common associations increased!!
• One of the chaps, called his subordinate and said “these youngsters have something to say”– Ahem!
• At the end of allllllll this - almost all of them say "you can be assured to come back with the same issues in the next year" - so much for audit!!!

Sometimes in the process, we lose our individual identity I suppose. Right from the security guard, to the receptionist, to the heads of departments – we introduce ourselves as “Auditors” and we are also introduced amogst themselves as "auditors". Then, if need be comes the name!!

At times, we are the means of getting work done by the staff for the middle management and at other times, the staff would use the “auditors’ ” reference to get access to office information/gossip from the managers!

It’s funny, how we go about our work, even after knowing every person coordinating with us there loathes us with all his heart, for every smile given there is almost always an inner dialogue of hatred – yet, we flout all such feelings of despise and brazenly get going with work!

But stil we robotically go back to these people year after year after year and in between this struggle to handle all the sweet talks, the threats, the reluctance, the disgust – we end up training ourselves to handle almost all varieties human species!!!

Thus, the day ends with a smirk on either’s face and a mutual feeling – they feel they’ve tricked the dumb and vice-versa ;-) !!!

Path of Joy!

Pic Courtesy - Ashish!

I am on a week's leave, (NOT a vacation) in a struggle to start working towards a committed "project"!! So, after spending the day trying to get my concentration on a book (academic of course) and considering that the letters in there were dancing in front of my eyes the whole day, I was left with 6 hours of study ending up in "effective" completion of 5 full pages!!

Ashish comes home and I look doomed! We decided to go for a walk!! This walk - as Ashish puts it, was the one I "earned" after a day's solitary confinement - EHAHAHA!

So, while we were walking, I discovered the most simplest, serene and joyful moment!!!

All you have to do to self-discover this is - after a full day's attempt at studies, go for a walk through a drizzling evening....gentle breeze just to refresh your thoughts....a path surrounded by beautiful trees, with beautiful flowers - half of them strewn all over, making the path more picturesque than ever......seeing the rain drops gleam in the light from the lamp post....enjoying the silence, the unspoken words...in the company of a "special someone".....

The pleasure, the delight of walking this path of joy cannot be shattered by anything, BUT the brutal truth of next day's study plan!!!!!!!!

Silent Moments!

Pic Courtesy - Ashish!

I need a vacation!!!

Last couple of months have been very busy, stressful and tiring. Travelled a bit for training, gearing up for more!! I always assumed, I like all ways of travelling, now I am not sure anymore! I still like travel, but now I know which part of it and whats it that I like about them!!!

I need a vacation!!! A silent, unwinding, relaxing and a lazy one!

By the sea shore, on a full moon night, soft breeze, sitting by the rock, waves splashing (the gushing sound of that is amazing) and when only the fondest of memories are reminisced. Its one of those rarest of rare moments when we realise what really matters!

No phones, no traffic, no mails, no laptops, no meetings, no clients, no rush hours!!!!!

In anticipation of living these fantasies....

I will spoil this post if I write further, so END!

In Case of Emergency!

I was travelling last week for yet another training in Kolkatta….(this time around it was a heavy dose technical training, so nothing exciting enough to write about)…coming back to Kolkatta….I had this tired, hectic day and so decided will hit the bed early…..finished my dinner early, vouched not to logon to internet and said my goodnights…..I finally land in the bed and realize, the mind and body alike refuse to fall asleep that early, as early as 9:30PM!!!!

So, I laze around letting my mind wander hither-wither….out of the random thoughts, I had a weird thought – what if there is an emergency at that very moment and the building (guest house) had to evacuated? Something like a fire, an earth quake? Given the fact that all thoughts have to be deliberated (irrespective of how radical or weird) – I did so!

The first thing I could think of to take along if I had to run, was my mobile (I think most of us would) but the next thought that struck me, was what appalled me – I ACTUALLY thought of my work, if I had replicated my work and would there be a copy if my laptop was left behind!!!! Can you beat that??

I know few of my very good friends may see the ditcher in me, those friends to whom I have been a reliable companion when it comes to planning different ways of staying away from work, various ideas which would pop out to replace the tedious work schedule with exciting outings etc., [mention about "plan" was intentional, since sadly, no attempt was ever made to execute them :-( ] Trust me guys, this was not a deliberate attempt of betrayal, my mind seems to be corrupted by some life threatening virus!!

Why I thought about this is still a puzzle – maybe I am too loyal to my work [;-)] OR maybe my reflexes are set to a default rework denial!!

You all know answer to this one!! [:D]

Perceive, Pursue & Protect!

For someone who’s biggest academic achievement is a long lost memory, I have never ventured much into the academic arena. It didn’t take much out of me to keep it that way. I always managed keeping my work life not-so-happening, personal life a balanced wave and academic life dormant!!

Then out of the blue, with no notice whatsoever, crept in few crazy little ideas of future!! I started perceiving things from a different perspective; I started having scary thoughts of pursuing further academics :-O ….. The fact is I suspect I have very few grey cells in my head, I suppose the number is around three….for the first time all the three were put to task at once and the result was destructive…well ALMOST – I enrolled onto a professional course, which I deemed was a great value add!

I was an IDIOT!

I know you would agree with the statement and for all those who would want to say “I know you are, but why this time?” I’ll tell you why!! In the past, I quit my job (the one prior to the current) to get done with a course, which was half tough as this!! I actually QUIT my job, when all I had to do was work and study! There were only two aspects!!Now – not only is this course twice as hard as the earlier one, but I chose to do it while working, cooking, driving (it’s a task, a hideous one)!! WOW!! No WOW - CRAP - I have an emergency - the three grey cells have been assigned to perform one task each and now I have NO GREY CELLS left to retain what I study (when I study)!!

Perception behind the crazy decision – I have never had a professional qualification, but have always worked with people who have one or loads of them…. I have always, in the interviews (two of them for now) been told I can’t be given the position I deserve, since I am not a “QUALIFIED”….it didn’t matter to me much then and neither now…BUT when the three crazy grey things were put to work, MAYBE this side was ruptured and in that academically passionate moment, I decided to try being a professional (yet again)!!!

Current day situation – Five months after enrollment, post 14 classroom sessions – I haven’t touched my books. I do see them around in the house though!!

Current day frustration – I like assuming, I have too little time…too little energy….too little stamina….too much to handle and too much to study!! I like telling everyone I am BUSY, WANT to and YET can’t study. The actual FACTUAL thing is – I, am NOT trying! I am NOT putting in any effort whatsoever to pursue what I perceived! I denied accepting this, until…..

Yesterday, while I was watching the movie ‘In Pursuit of Happyness’ (it’s a awesomely touching movie), there was a particular dialogue, which just took me instantly, when Will Smith (“slurp-slurp-drooollll”) says “You got a dream, you gotta protect it” – how true!! How very true!!!

In my case, I gotta protect mine from myself, from the bad me in me!! If it takes pulling of a grey cell from one of the tasks (above) arbitrarily, I SHALL!!!

The Lost Guardian Angel!

After a very long time, I had taken an auto ride back home – WOW what an experience it was!!! Its like experiencing a roller coaster ride (an appalling one at that) in the heart of your city!

For all those people out there, who lead a dull life, being chauffer driven or self-drive very carefully, carving your way through traffic – lemme enlighten you….you unquestionably are missing something, something so very exhilarating!!!

On a weekday, preferably a Monday (for some unknown reason, I have observed that Mondays are jam packed) you just gotta hire an auto rickshaw from point A to Point B at around 6:30 PM or anytime after that….the auto vrooms, zooms, squeezes in through the smallest of gaps….Traffic rules do not matter…its all in the auto-wala's head, if he feels right to stop at red, he might….else….the vehicle is dragged mercilessly through the traffic!!!

The most exciting or in other words awe-inspiring experience would be when you spot a cab, and not ANY cab, it HAS to be ONLY Indica!! After a whole lot of honking, braking, you wish either the auto or the indica slows down – BUT, (you guessed it) neither do…..both fly….sometimes I wonder if they forget its an abused four wheeler or a rattled three wheeler which they are driving and unfortunately not a wiry bicycle!! Like someone rightly said, its like you are playing a video game, just that, the direction control is with an electrified unknown human in rush to get YOU to reach YOUR home!!!

I guess their indicators would be in a jam someday due to minimal or absolutely no usage!!! It’s the sign of heads and eyes (not even hands) that does the work! “Lemme overtake you” is sooo beautifully conveyed in their fierce one second glance to the co-electrified drivers!

They say, each one of us has a guardian angel….in these cases I guess, a whole set of guardian angels are out in their flying gear all set to guard us and in no time will they all be busy searching for the soul who was to be guarded!!!!!

It’s a perfect reflection of the busiest of worlds that we live in….flawless manifestation of the gung ho atmosphere that we so tirelessly fabricate around us, day after day after day!!

With all due respect to the world of electrified drivers – Please, never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly :-)

The Over Burdened Rich!!!

There is this one very posh, hip-hop-hep - in short - a super expensive gym, right in front of our office building. Everyday I pass by that road, I can't help but notice the long line of lambi chowdi, chamakti gadis. I wonder, every time, who has got the kind of money and more importantly the time to go to a gym at around 6:00 PM??? I was sure, they all must be super committed folks - committed to work out in spite of their busy schedules (I assumed they must be "busy" since they were "rich")!!! The rich, smart, busy species!! I kind of started having high regard for them, until......

One day on way back from work, I noticed a reallll longg and handsomeee black car, it zoomed by and stopped right near the steps to the gym. A guy in a white uniform came running and opened the front passenger door, there was this chauffeur driven not-so-good looking guy, who got down the car (while on his mobile - of course he "had" to be busy)...this guy didn't budge an inch to advance towards the door. I presumed, he waited to take his bag...but NO!!! This guy in the uniform rushed, opened the back door and carried the rich guy's "gym kit" for him and also held the door open for this not-so-good looking rich guy to walk in!!! I was glad, the guy in the uniform didn't "carry" the rich guy in and hope against the hopes the not-so-good looking rich guy was not disappointed by this lack of gesture!!!

I understand, this guy is rich...probably busy (though I am not sure anymore)...the kind who "think" they are independent - though when left alone, can't spot their toothpaste!!! The kind who need maids/valets etc....BUT, he is at the GYM!!!!!! Probably....logic evades him

He rather drive down and carry his bag inside - ofcourse apart from the terrible burden of carrying himself!!

Hereby I conclude, that rich needn't be busy and definetly not smart - they just need to be "RICH"!!!! :D :D

P.S: For all those out there, who after reading the post, are wondering about my fitness level - I am NOT overweight, I am just 10 inches too short!

P.P.S: Let me clarify - I am NOT against rich - I am just trying to analyse what it takes to get there and as long as its not being 'smart', I have no problem, whatsoever ;-)!!

Traffic Behavioural Syndrome!

I finally am trying to drive "alone" (emphasis intended) to and from work!! After couple of drives accompanied/directed/guided by AP [name changed for anonimity ;-)]....it still felt arduous to drive alone at "the peak hour" through "the peak route"....Nevertheless, I had to - so I did!!

After being an active member of the "adopt an auto a day" community for quite a few years now, I can not help but draw references to the 'drive-by-auto' and 'drive-ur-way' scenarios....there are soooo many things which driving makes you realise - apart from the lack of civic sense!!

For instance, never before did I notice there are so many by-lanes on the route I take....the traffic popping in-n-out hapahzardly informs you on the layout...if rats evacuate their holes, probably you would see a Pulsar vroooming through them!! Such is our capacity to wring a vehicle through the smallest available space!!!

You literally have to "memorise" the route you take to avoid the self evolved potholes and protruding manholes.....if not anything, driving plays a key role in improving your concetration and observation!!!

I don't claim to have a world of knowledge, but I do know for sure a thing - no one wants to live on the road and in the traffic....everyone wants to and has to go home, so why the rush??? I fail to understand perspective of those who 'honk' when there is super traffic jam!

Most intriguing are the two inseparable friends/couples driving.....they probably have a mutual 'die-hard' feeling for each other(literally)......they yap-yap while driving - two different people, two different vehicles, drive parllel in sync (in peak traffic) and yap????? What's it that they 'catch up' with eludes me!!

Mosttttt typical of traffic behavioural syndrome if you have ever noticed is, that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac :D :D

First day@College!!!

Time flies.....perspectives change.....its amazing to see how things/traditions transform right in front of your eyes!!
I remember my first day at college - it was a mixture of emotions - a little nervous, a little awkward....a lot excited!! Each of it doubly/triply amplified as I (a lonely soul) get closer to my new classroom....Excitement more particularly - excitement about meeting new people....people who came from different walks of life...people I had never met before. The atmosphere was so very different....everyone was a stranger and the feeling was mutual across the whole group!!

The first introductions - first impressions - first groups....alone you experience all of these.....all alone....finding comfort in even the least approachable/considerate members you meet...

This first day at college - is a lasting memory and an unbeatable experience (which I thought was rather customary)!!

But like its said "change is the only thing constant" (Against my belief that this custom would remain unchanged..)

Change, How??

Now - you know ur to-be classmates/batchmates much before you step into the campus....much before you know your classroom.....much much before you see them. Mails are exchanged....so are calls....likes/dislikes known...expectations shared.....groups made....picnics planned....dinners arranged. Most of the times you have "buddies" before you start your course. The fear of being a "loner" on the first day at the college would probably persuade almost everyone to participate in either or all of such "pre-college intro" events!!

This first day at college - when you already have "your" groups....people you already know....groups formed by region....would still be a lasting memory and experience I guess.....BUT with a difference!!!

And Yes, I am biased ;-)!!!

Just a single minute!!

In the process of being busy wiling away time and one of the "I am not gonna work" days, I just had this random thought - what are the instances when we truly..actually...realise the value of the much abused and most widely used word - "one minute"??
One of the two grey cells my brain holds, was put to task and "pop" came the answers...

When you...

• are on the 'manual' treadmill (yes they still do exist and this is the bestest way to teach value of time :D)
• are hungry and waiting for the much needed lunch break, at the infamously famous n boring corporate training sessions
• are anxiously waiting for a call from the (special) someone
• are having a boring day at work, and yearning to go home
• have just missed your flight/train/bus!!

and...

• on your wedding - the preparation may take few months/years but its that precise minute that you are pronounced a couple :-)
• while having a verbal..emotional..high voltage...fight - the silence after though lasts for a minute might seem longer than that!!

(for keen observers - the sequence of marriage and fight was not intetional :P)

Finally...

• A minute - 13breathes (on an average)
• A minute - its priceless when its the last, one has got!!! :-)