In your Face!!!

I was never much of a social media person, but I registered onto Facebook intending keep in touch with the million friends I have, I realized over the years, I have been spending lot of time following all of theirs (and in some cases friends of theirs) everyday life’s gradations – both solicited and unsolicited! (Yes, even if I chose to ‘unfollow’)!

Facebook (FB) is more of an addiction than a social networking site. Period! Some posts, where people write about their achievements, experiences, thoughts, travel, a milestone – agreed, appreciated and understood!

What’s annoying is - 

• When the husband and wife, living under the same roof have to wish each other through an elaborate FB post, which totally brings to light every nuance of undying love for each other! Fella, just walk in to the next room or probably just strain those neck/back muscles, in all probabilities, you might find the person you are wishing right beside you!!!

• Posting pictures on your kid’s birthday is totally justifiable, but all the parental love phrases in the post, especially when your 1yr old or 6yr old won’t read the post? And when they actually get to reading, I am sure they won’t practice with your FB posts!! And when they actually actually get onto FB, I assure you, they won’t really go back all those years on your timeline to read the melodramatic post!!!!

• What’s with these guys with the DSLR cameras???? Dude you love photography, cool; you think you are an awesome photographer, very cool; but you may also want to know a photo clicked on ‘auto’ mode and edited to death doesn’t necessarily mean you have the skill it takes – it’s like saying I love cooking, I “cook” Maggie every day!!! I am sorry I had to burst the bubble!

• The RIP posts – why does anyone 'LIKE' or worse 'LOVE' it??? 

• The Oh-So-Dreamy photos – they can easily, I repeat easily, make Yash Johar turn in his grave. It totally makes me feel very very inadequate. But like someone said “you are never as bad as you look in your aadhar card and never as beautiful as in your Facebook" EHAHAHAHA!!

What's with those ‘LIKE if you have a supportive spouse' / ‘SHARE if you have an understanding husband’ posts? Obviously I never LIKE/SHARE such posts – It scares the living daylight out of me thinking, what if my husband turns imperfect and unsupportive for this blasphemy that I have committed? *eyes rolling*

• Thanks to FB, it feels like Niagara Falls are in my backyard!!! Except for probably an aerial view I have witnessed (virtually) Niagara from all sides – Canadian, American, Maid of the Mist boat – everything!! I am sure the experience is resplendent, but over exposure of it just robs the thrill and urge to visit that place :-/

Mean no offense but, after considering all these and much much more I have learnt FB is not for me, atleast not in the current frame of mind or phase of life!!!

Then and Now, How!!!!!

 

Long long ago but not very long ago, when I heard my grandmas start with “maa kalam lo aitey” it meant a conversation loaded with skepticism about me and my generation….little did I realize that they had some very interesting and insightful tales to tell J

I can’t put my finger on when exactly I started using similar phrases, but start I did! We are sooooo far away from the 70s and 80s that, when you show endangered traits of ethics, humility and loyalty people end up asking “meeru 70s/ early 80s model aa?” :D :D

As I thought through and observed over a period of time, I did realise that few things hadn't changed, it was just the perception that did, but few things DID change and my valuable unsolicited opinion on them are painfully illustrated below:

THEN	NOW
Our parents used to send us off to their parents’ place.	Most of us pack up the troubles and send them off to camps!
It was thrilling to get a personalized greeting/post card, even though you knew a similar card may have reached a huge chunk of humanity, it was still endearing to read your name above and the sign below!	The very fact that someone has taken the time out to actually type in your email ID and sent in an e-card is touching!! (who said emotions have dwindled)
The then snail mail – The joy of  receiving an authentic hand written letter from a friend/cousin and the thrill of opening it carefully, since the slightest gash may mean an incomplete sentence….that joy, that thrill remains unparalleled!!!	The now snail mail – all you get by post now are your mounting credit card statements and waning bank account statements!   The now e-mail – thanks to the absurd emails of ‘find love!’, ‘you have won $300,00,000’, ‘Your June eStatement’, ‘Transaction Alert!’, that when you get even a two liner from an ACTUAL person, you most often than not, read it twice J
If you were feeling low and wanted some retail therapy, you would go the nearest flea market bargain yet hardly buy, roam around, have fun looking at new collections and get home.	Now you still continue to feel low and still feel a pressing need for retail therapy, but all you have to do to feel better is, login and buy something online!
We were mostly on a see food diet, we saw food and we ate it!	We don’t drink maaza since it is contaminated, we cut down on most fruits as they have carbide, we are skeptical about veggies as they have chemicals written all over them, we are vary of soft drinks as they have pesticides, we  aren’t sure about Maggie since there is some appalling video doing rounds!!! Thank god I can have a glass of water in peace or can I?
Long hair.	Longing for hair!!!

After saying allllll that I have said above and still not saying most of it, I will never know how it feels to be a teenager having some cool gadgets/apps and they will never know what it feels like to push a VHS tape into a VCR :P :P

Who's Buying????

A and me were watching TV (a very rare occurrence) and there were sooooo many commercials! That’s not the point, the point is while watching one of those I said “kaun khareed ta hai yeh sab? Kya faltu ad hai” and A said, “you aren’t their target audience”!

That got me thinking, realllyyy thinking, I started watching commercials profoundly and I realized (based on what and how they are trying to sell):

·       Fastrack watches clearly aren’t for me – definitely NOT, though I have couple of those in reality!

·       Raaga collection – only if my arms/forearms/wrist is anywhere closer to what Katrina Kaif’s is – which in current day is not even a distant possibility!

·       Levis – to be bought only if you are running all day and jumping balconies!!!

·       Maaza – Who in the world drinks it like Katrina? I just gulp it down my throat!

So, is the TV not selling me anything at all?????

It is:

·        Harpic – an extremely fake ‘ordinary’ looking housewife opening the door for a semi-celebrity to clean up her washroom.

·       Moov – it’s a must to remember the ad and the product every time a mom/home makers have an aching back, because the other half of the humanity is likely only to have low energy levels not back aches.

·       Dish washing soaps – again a housewife profoundly immersed in a ‘family soap’, being disturbed only to sell a ‘washing soap’!

·       Ready-to-eat snacks - Inspite of the fact that I can’t picture Kareena Kapoor even lifting a spoon in her kitchen,I did try these!

As someone aptly said – “Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need”

Hammering - Literally!!!!!

One day, I met a very standard looking couple in the elevator, the guy introduced himself as the owner of the apartment above ours and then, after that one single sentence, there was nothing normal about them anymore!

Preceding Days’ Story:

Out of the blue, one fine morning there was this earth-shattering sound from above our house, so agonizing that I, along with my son had to spend most of the day out…at the end of that day when I thought it was over, it had actually just begun!

There were hammering sounds allllllllllllll day to an extent that, even my three year old says “amma malli modalupettaru” (they started again)…In an attempt to be a thoughtful, co-operative neighbor having tolerance to the art of carpentry, we all put up with it in silence….until….

One early morning, as early as 3:30AM, the haunting tak-tak was back! At first, we thought our subconscious got so used to the noises that, it had become background score for our dreams…..but then we realized, it was ACTUALLYYYY happening and at 3:30AM! My husband, A, got furious and walked up to see that, there were loads of people busily moving around in colorful pattu sarees….much to their dismay, A didn’t seem like a guest, so they called the carpentry employment creating owner! When ashish complained about the clatter, this guy asked “now? Or the daily work?”. Seriously?? This guy seriously thought we were up at 3:30AM to complain about the daily hubbub??????

Present Day Story:

But yet, the story continued for months after, when this afternoon it just got way beyond the tolerance levels and it seemed like we are living in joinery workshop…I crashed into their house and yelled at the workers asking if they were building him (the owner) a Taj Mahal, that’s when I realized atleast two workers came out of each room (a 3BHK) and that’s way tooo many carpenters, unless ofcourse they are actually building a Taj Mahal.

I look around and I don’t see a single fully completed box!!!! The house is filled with all types of wood material; saw dust, logs, blocks, racks, sheets and pieces of wood!! In this age of modular furniture, I have no idea what this guy is trying to do, apart from ofcourse creating employment and giving life to dying art forms!! The cutting, drilling, hammering, sawing has been going on for soooo many months now that, with all the wages, the carpenters must be building their own new house!

It is indeed very aptly said that, it is easier to love humanity as a whole than to love one's neighbor!!!

Auntzilla!!!

So….a cousin and I were having a silly, no-point discussion and then the third entered and just said few simple words “you both have become such aunties” then, I tried to bully him with no satisfactory results!!!

But it got me thinking, what defines to be an aunty – when you share your everyday menu? Spend considerable amount of your time in the kitchen, cooking, scrubbing, cleaning, and washing? Is it when your age starts to get into mind boggling figures of 30 and above or is it when your waist line is above 34?

After some thinking and putting my teensy-weensy brain cells to work, I comprehended that, it is when:

·         You see these absolutely beautiful, awe striking hugeee houses and the first things you wonder about is –“how do they maintain it?”, “how do they manage when the maid takes an off??” and “how do they afford their EMIs???”……and then slowly comes in the admiration for the architectural intelligence :D

·         Tea is more of a chore than a refreshing hot beverage!

·         You feel sad when your husband works on a day off, but are shattered when your maid takes an off!

·         You hear a new-age concept like a live-in or witness a funky hairdo, your immediate reaction is rocking your head sideways in disappointment and then think “I might take a whole lifetime to recover if my kids get there”

·         You look at teenage kids hanging around jobless and instead of thinking “been there, done that” you end up thinking “when do they do their homework???”

·         You almost do a serious penance every single day, but break each self-made rule by having an opinion about anything that crawls/walks/breathes!!!!

But the commonestttt of all is, that something somewhere breaking inside of you into a million pieces every time you hear someone call you “aunty-aunty-aunty”

Regardless of alllll and more of the above – there are the YO aunties and there are the sad aunties – without any further notes on this – I am the former!!!

The Phenomenon of Disrememberance!!!!!!

My husband forgot ME – yes, not a wallet, not keys, not a laptop, not some paper but ME, the living, walking, forever talking ME!!! How did this not-so-common marvel ensue?????

It was the last day of our 9 year old extremely lucky and long-suffering vehicle and we were all emotional about its parting, understandably he was much much more attached to it than I was, to an extent that, I had a preview of what could happen if we had a daughter and my husband had to see her off to someplace else!!! So, getting back to why I started……The previous evening we had decided we would drop-off the kid at school and then after a small drive he will put me in an auto to home, as it would be our last drive in our car. So, as discussed we went to school, I got down to drop the kid indoors and talk to the teacher, I waved my little one bye promising him that I would return in couple of hours and I walked out excited to tell Ashish the reactions(as it was still early days in school), just to fathom that he was gone and so was the bag which had my phone, wallet and keys!!!!

I contemplated for a few seconds if I could take an auto to his workplace, but how would I call? If I could take an auto home, but how would I pay? Even if I borrowed the money from a neighbor – how would I get inside the house?

I considered borrowing a phone from a passerby and making a call, but for all the sham requests they get these days, the last thing I wanted then was to be looked at as a faux!! I was hoping for a known face to show up, which happens every other day but then!!! It struck me that I could go back to school and request for a call, but I had to wait for my bawling kid to go upstairs before I re-entered!! So, I finally get to the landline and it is out-of-order, I catch hold of a maid and she tries to dial his number and the key ‘3’ isn’t working and ironically Ashish’s number has like three 3’s!!!!

Finallllllyyyyyyyy I get to the point where his phone is ringing, he picks the call and says “you forgot your bag”!!!! Seriously??? I waited along for him to come back and said “I realized you forgot the bag when, I parked and was glancing at the vehicle for the last time” again SERIOUSLY??????SERIOUSLY???? And then I thought it was time that I break the appalling news to him that  it wasn’t me who forgot my priced possession but it was HE who forgot ME!!!!!! Phew!

Fuel of Life!

One normal Thursday evening I had an appointment with my gynec, she reads the reports casually, flips through some pages here and there in my file and imperturbably says “let’s get you admitted” and then there was nothing normal about that day anymore!

The following Sunday, the hospital room saw allll of my family, all nervous as I was being prepped for the surgery to follow – I was for some extremely odd reason awfully relaxed – maybe because I was ignorant about how crucial the surgery was or that I had trust in my doc or most notably because I had alllll of ‘my people’ around me and they took the nervousness away by just being there!

While my mom, my husband, my in-laws, my aunts/uncles where stressed about the surgery, I was very happy that I was being taken reverse in a wheelchair to the OT (I have this absurd penchant for anything that goes reverse – car/bike/auto)!!!

I don’t remember few hours after that, but when I was wheeled out of the OT and shifted to my bed, I could hear lot of animated tones discussing whether I knew or not….I so wanted to ask/yell but could barely find my voice and then I heard someone ask me if I knew – I gestured a big NO and then they said…….“it’s a boy” – I touched him briefly and…..in a terrifically positive way –  my world has never been the same ever since!

Initial days were of panic……I didn’t feel like a Karan Johar-movie Mother, the responsibility hit me in the face, knocked me out for couple of days and thanks to the ceaseless sleepless nights I could never figure out anything!!! Slowly, my mom and my husband got me back on track to the world of sanity and ever since it has been an enduring task to stay that way!!

As aptly said by Meryl Steep – Motherhood has a very humanizing effect, everything gets reduced to essentials!!! Extracts of my little learning:

• 
  
  

  ·         Sleeping without a break is long forgotten!

  
  

  ·         Washroom – the very going is a challenge!!

  
  

  ·         Eating without having to get up atleast once – blue moon probably occurs more often

  
  

  ·         When I want to eat something yummm and also have it ready and sometime have even started to eat, at that precise minute there will be a kid-loo-calling moment!!

  
  

  ·         When with all the care and silence I put him to bed (esp in the noon) there will be a loud knock on the door or the damn phone goes off and…..of course he is awake!

  
  

  ·         If in case you ever liked monsoons, you will dread them now because monsoon means – running nose, allergies, coughs, cold, infections!!!

  
  

  ·         I am done with all the household work that can be thought of and want to quickly take a nap beside the little one, I lie down and stretch legs starting to feel the bliss, when…..the kid’s done with his nap and is up!

  
  

  ·         In my past I was forever hooked on to the phone, now, I had couple of instances where I left my phone in a kitchen draw/refrigerator and it took me most of the day to figure it out :D

  
  

  ·         I am soo used to my tot sticking on to me, that it feels stroppy to walk bare handed anywhere!!
·         Going alone anywhere, feels like a vacation!!
 

I want to, at mostttt of these times, yell scream guts out, and am tired by the end of the day, just want to crash on the bed….. lights out and the tiny little one cuddles in, gives the sweetest little puppy on my cheek and says “dalyu mamma” (my son’s way of saying “love you mamma”) and then………you don’t mind any of it, in fact you love your day!!!

My husband once asked me how much I love my son, I was confounded he asked and all I could say was “he is a part of me”!!!!

Advices - Unlimited!!!!

Doc: You see this thing flickering? That's the heart beat :-)

Me: You mean, it's positive?

Doc: Yes Smitha, ofcourse it is!

Me to Ashish: Mere andar abhi do heart hai!!!!

Then the started the journey of hope, panic, joy, apprehensions, planning, paranoia, stress, care, morning sickness, frustrations, anticipation and numerous other humanly emotions, ofcourse followed by advices - unlimited!!

General perception: You HAVE to and CAN eat ANYTHING you wish for, all through!

Doc: Watch your weight!

Dietician: Watch your calories!

Random Aunty 1: You should eat loads of fruits, except papaya and pineapple!

Random Aunty 2: Don't eat banana - the baby's head will grow big!

Random Aunty 3: Don't eat Kala Jamun - the baby will be born dark!

Random Aunty 4: Don't eat sesame and amla!

Random Aunty 5: Don't eat custard apple!

Dietician: Eat lots and lots of green leafy vegetables

Random Aunty 6: Doctors keep saying that all the time, but don't eat Ceylon Spinach at all!!!

Random Aunty 7: Reduce spinach intake

Dietician: Avoid juices, eat whole fruits

Random Aunty 8: Drink lotsssss of juices!

(There are unlimited number of Random Aunties - contributing to the unlimited advices!)

"The news" gets everyone exciting, some get more than just excited! When they see you next, some get delirious with joy!

Random Aunty 1: When is your due date?

Me: 14th!

Random Aunty 1: Can you wait till the 23rd? Its my daughter's birthday!!

Random Aunty 2: When is your due date?

Me: 14th!

Random Aunty 2: Can you wait till 15th? He/She and I will be sharing the same birth stone!

Just to ask the excited souls - What am I supposed to postpone???? My train journey?????

Exercising is like the favourite topic for all and sundry! Ofcourse like most of other things, everyone knows everything!!

Random Aunty 1: Take stairs all the time, even if you can't force yourself! It helps!!

Random Aunty 2: DONOT take stairs, avoid them big time!

85year old uncle: You SHOULD walk, even if it rains!

Random Aunty 3: DONOT step out even if it drizzles, you don't want to slip, do you??

55 year old uncle: You HAVE to start working out immediately after, else you will have problems post 15years, I am saying this out of experience!!

Me (in my head): Experience?????? Uncle?????You are serious???

Random Uncle: Exercise is mosttt important, take five steps everyday, neither less nor more!

Me (in my head): what am I supposed to do if my I have to take more than that to reach my room? Wait for another day?????)

There are also a different category of advisors, those who I bet my life haven't followed it ever when they had to!

Random Aunty: Not eating Papaya is just a myth, you can eat one, it's very high in protien called Papain, which is good for the system.

Me: Did you have it aunty, when it was your time? (which was approx 32yrs back)

Random Aunty: No, I was consumed by the myth, but you can try!

Me (in my head): Oh really??? Why the hell would I be so adventurous to experiment with a myth older than I am??? You think I am crazy? or dumb? or both???

A neighbour who owns a gym: Never go by "you are eating for 2 funda". Just eat for yourself! You have to keep exercising, irrespective of whether you have energy or not! Blah...blah...blah...of 45minutes and then she says there will be loads of people giving you insane and unwanted advices, just ignore them!

Me (in my head): Oh yeah???? Can I ignore you??? Right away???

Cherry on the cake is this one com(pli)ment!

I happened to attend wedding of an old college friend, where I met another friend's wife

She: No kids yet?

Me: I am expecting, its the 7th month :-)

She: OHHHH! Can't really make out! :O :O

Me: Was blushing and feeling good about "maintaining" myself !!

She: This happens when you have always been plump, its difficult to say!!

Me: :-( / x-( / :-

So, thats that!!! All said and done - I can't wait for the next pregnant woman to pass on advices - solicited and otherwise!!! EHAHAHAHAHAHA - Yes, I am the next Random Aunty!!!!!

A Sunny Day Out!!!!

At one point in time, Auto was the easiest, most convenient and fastest mode of commuting for me!!! I have, at some time, believed a rick gets you faster to the destination than a car :P

After a longggg time, today I travelled almost half the city by auto!! That's when I realised so many things that I fail to notice when I drive.....what's frustrating when you drive is hilarious when you are a spectator/a passenger in an auto!!!

Snippets of the typical Hyderabad traffic:

• Bullock cart on the extremeee right lane, which supposedly is the 'fast lane'
• A fully loaded RTC bus, sincerely taking the left lane and leaving the entire right lane empty, BUT still a scooter-ist hopelessly tries to overtake the bus from the left :D
• Its a routine by the day to witness conituous, impatient honking at the traffic signal, especially when there is a 'stop' light - but I saw this one kid on a bicycle honking a BMW in a way to say "MOVE IT" - EHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
• MCH tank watering all plants in the world in peak traffic area, under the scorching heat, slowwlly moving around - in the right lane!!
• Road Sweeping Truck which is awfully slow, sweeping away the roads in peak traffic hours, in the busiest of roads and on the narrowest of flyovers!!

Exceptionally hot weather, equally dusty, thoroughly polluted roads, a total wrong time to travel in an auto - yet - it was FUN!

The Bond!!!

Conversation 1
Him: I think I am for ‘it’
Me: You “think”?
Him: Ok – I am for ‘it’
Me: Same Pinch!!

Conversation 2:
Him: So, what do you want for dinner?
Me: Something Niceee
Him: Like?
Me: Something spicy, yummy, crunchy, something realllyyy nice (already drooling)
Me: What do you want for dinner?
Him: Simple Dal and rice

Conversation 3:
Him: Let’s go for a walk!
Me: NOW?
Him: Yeah, kyon thak gayi ho kya?
Me: Its 1:30AM!!!!!!

I am so glad we made “it” happen! May this craziness never ever ever stop!

Happy Anniversary you kuku fellow!

Trick the Dumb!!!

“An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded” – Unknown!

Yes – I have been and continue to be part of the weird genus - Auditors!!!

As part of my “esteemed profession”, I get to meet quite a lot of people. People of different kinds…so different, that it amuses me at times :-O

To give some random samples of what happens in a typical everyday client facing experience of an auditor –

• When asked if they have a Disaster Recovery Procedure in place for the business, this guy (my client contact) replies “we pray” !!!!
• There was this one gentleman who addressed me as “madam” till the office hours and post that it was “beta” – so much for professionalism!!
• In yet another instance, while we were in endless discussions on the issues identified and this guy hopelessly trying to convince me to write stuff his way and frustrated with the stubborn ground I put in, said “you are a tough nut to crack” – making it just more verbal of how he deals with "the nuts” every now and then!
• Deal with a person for about a fortnight, make his life a living hell, untiringly shoot questions at him one after another and just about when you start building an acquaintance, end up with a long list of issues and tell the same fellow that he is not doing his work well enough (EHAHAHA) that’s not it –its mostttttttt embarrassing/ arduous/ uncomfortable, when I tell it to a person three times my age – he probably would have started his career when I started to walk!
• I tell a client "four out of ten things I checked was not in line with the process" and he tells me “its only 40% na, maaf kardo”!!!!
• Another client, irritated that I did not heed to his requests of changing the details to suit his convenience, calls me twice to inform, he is calling my manager – what he expects me to say is way beyond my understanding – Should I be saying (according to him) “no-no please don’t call my manager (sounding terrorized)!!!!! Du-huh!! (btw – he never called my manager!)
• This one person, after discussing a potential issue, came up with a common association we might have (ex: my mom taught in the same school as his son studied) – the more the issues, the quest to find more common associations increased!!
• One of the chaps, called his subordinate and said “these youngsters have something to say”– Ahem!
• At the end of allllllll this - almost all of them say "you can be assured to come back with the same issues in the next year" - so much for audit!!!

Sometimes in the process, we lose our individual identity I suppose. Right from the security guard, to the receptionist, to the heads of departments – we introduce ourselves as “Auditors” and we are also introduced amogst themselves as "auditors". Then, if need be comes the name!!

At times, we are the means of getting work done by the staff for the middle management and at other times, the staff would use the “auditors’ ” reference to get access to office information/gossip from the managers!

It’s funny, how we go about our work, even after knowing every person coordinating with us there loathes us with all his heart, for every smile given there is almost always an inner dialogue of hatred – yet, we flout all such feelings of despise and brazenly get going with work!

But stil we robotically go back to these people year after year after year and in between this struggle to handle all the sweet talks, the threats, the reluctance, the disgust – we end up training ourselves to handle almost all varieties human species!!!

Thus, the day ends with a smirk on either’s face and a mutual feeling – they feel they’ve tricked the dumb and vice-versa ;-) !!!

Summer Holidays!!

On my way to work yesterday, I had seen some school children rushing in, to make it on time for the school prayer and some very merrily playing around least bothered about the time, some whining kids who did not want to go in but were dragged and pushed by their parents.

I very clearly make my place in the last category mentioned there! I HATED going to school, because my school bus came to pick me up as early as 7:15AM untiringly morning after morning!

The process of waking me up started at 6:00AM. I always wanted 15 more minutes of sleep, after which I invariably had a “stomach ache” and would declare myself sick. My mom would let another 15 minutes pass and would ask again if I my “head ache” was ok and I would always say it’s still there and is terrible.

She would then, immediately drag me down the bed and into the washroom for a shower (it was obvious how “terribly sick” I was with the “shifting” pain) and there were these constant banging on the doors to make sure I haven’t slept in there!

My mom worked on packing my food, dad getting me to eat and my brother packed the bag of books. I lazillyyy walked out of the house five minutes before the bus arrival with a hope that I would miss the bus and could get back to bed. Sadly for me, the bus driver knew the kid count so well and by face that he stopped for me. Just in case I ever managed to miss the bus, there were these group of uncles from my colony (whose kids also went to the same school as me) who actually cared to put me on their scooter and chase the bus dramatically and made sure I boarded it. Back then, it looked to me as if everyone’s motive in life was just to make sure I went to school, by hook or by crook!

The best part I loved about school were the holidays – the summer holidays! They were amazzzinnngggg fun!! We were a bunch of cousins, who spent our holidays together!! Countless games played, loads of masti, surrounded by the family, delicious food, incessant pampering by our grandparents and total attention to our tantrums! Those were the days of childhood when it felt, life is always gonna continue like this – with pains of going to school rewarded by exciting, joyful and fun filled holidays! Even with all this, I possibly still thought it wasn’t fun enough – growing up was more apt an idea of fun!

Then - I grew up and all those years later, I guess I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that, Summer Holidays cease to exist and that they are transitory!!! I have no issues personally with growing up/growing old except that, sometimes it means geographically scattered relations and extinct summer holidays!

Like someone said "If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older" :D

So, I have a brilliant plan - I will become a primary school teacher, relive my childhood through theirs, teach 9 out of 12months and most importantly reclaim my summer holidays - EHAHAHAHA!

Kid(ding)???

Over the weekend I happened to volunteer for a workshop (a pilot) of Experiential Learning. It had kids between ages 5 – 13years. It was fun to see a class full of kids, buzzing with energy, competing to answer the questions.

When you have sooo many kids, you are bound to have funny & embarrassing incidents. So, here are the tales!

So, during one of the sessions, the facilitator showed this (below) picture to the kids and asked who they think it was?

I obviously, didn't know the answer, but was expecting the kids to come up with something like Krish/Hrithik Roshan or the kinds and one of the 4year old raised his hand and answered "it is a man" :)....The other, a 13year old actually actually answered "Icarus was the son of Daedalus. Its a story from Greek Mythology" :O I was probably at 13 watching Ramanand Sagar's Ramayan and was struggling to understand (a smalllll) part of Indian and probably didn't even know Greece existed (and even if I did, I for sure knew nothing of "Greek Mythology")!!!!!!!

In another instance, there was this lady who conducted a session on First Aid who had a volunteer from the kids and was demonstrating the procedure for basic first aid and told them they could try/practice it on their parents or siblings, saying which she had 100% attention of the class! So, this one little chutku explains (with no doubt whatsoever) that “we should go home, make a cut to parents/siblings hand and then try the First Aid :)”….now, howz that?????

In the same session, the kids were shown some photographs and asked to identify what they are! In one such session they were shown this (below) picture:

Kids, each one of them (right from Class I to Class VIII) answered in unison: “Red Blood Cells”

I answered: “Chocos” (the cereals)

After the first incidence, this was like fuel to the fire.....How embarrassed was I! Even if I couldn’t I wanted to try as hell, fit myself in the window adjacent and jump from where I was :|

P.S: These are the times when I feel no remorse for not being in the "today's generation" and don't really mind being ancient!!!

Experience - the name everbody gives their mistakes!!!

I was chatting with one of my friends at work and as usual, I ended up hopping from one topic to the other then other and it finally ended up in I narrating 'experiences' at my first job. The poor girl didn’t have a choice but to listen to all of it. But, after I finished going on a ‘its-so much-fun-recollecting-those-days’ spree, I thought I should post about it, before the memories get muddled!

After my college, I considered various professions that I would be interested in, which ranged from secretarial course, hotel management, hospital management, MBA to being a Chartered Accountant – today, interestingly I hold none of those qualifications – but, back then I had decided to pursue Chartered Accountancy.

I had to do a three year training for it and so went about applying at various firms. The first place I ever went to drop my resume was Ferguson (trust me it took me a day to pronounce it right), I actually kept an auto rickshaw waiting and went in to drop my resume. There was this guy (I don’t know what his position was in the firm, must be a manager or likes) who said, he is going to conduct an interview for which I blurted out "I have an auto waiting and I am getting late for lunch” and I guess it threw him off his balance. I also backed it up by saying I wasn’t prepared. He convinced me it wouldn’t take much time and that it would be easy. He asked me “sales entry”, which is THE basic thing u learn in commerce/finance, needless to say I was too nervous to give him a right answer.

Out of kindness, to make it easy for me ended up asking the tough-est question ever, "what's your favourite subject?" Ironically, I never had a 'favourite subject'!!! After a lot of deliberation, I declared statistics as my favourite subject (the only subject, where I had scored 99%). He asked me questions from stats and my expression was priceless - I stared into his face with a totallly blank expression!! No prizes for guessing the outcome – I never got through!

Undeterred that I was, I went on with giving my resumes around. So, this one firm – Ernst & Young (where I eventually ended up joining) I went to meet the HR. She looked at my graduation scores which were a mix of highs and lows but never outwardly higher and a little below the firm’s cut-off for intake candidates. She said “you will have to work really hard if you are in”, I nodded my head in reply. Then she asked “how do you think you can work hard, when you never did that till date?”(I wonder how did she know that????) The smarty that I was, I replied “there is always a first time for everything” – EHAHAHAHAHA!

After a few days, I had a next round of interview with a manager there. There were about 30 (approx) candidates and most of them looked scholarly. I assumed I stand no chance, but hanged on there. So, when the manager called me in, he asked me if I read news papers, while all I read in them were the cartoons, I managed to sound like a regular at reading them but never specified for once 'what' I read in them (EHAHAHAHAHA again). He went on and asked me “do you know why financial statements are made in an excel sheet and not in word?” I thought, considered his question and after a minute or two answered “because excel has lines and boxes and word is like a plain paper”!!

Again after a couple of weeks I had an other interview with the next level in their hierarchy (Yes, I was shortlisted, even after all those tasteful responses). I met this very nice, somber (and good looking) gentleman, who was my interviewer. In between the interview, he had to attend a call so, I was sitting there waiting for the next question, when I saw the first ever split AC of my life. It was on ‘swing’ mode. I was mesmerized looking at it ‘swing’ so gracefully (before you ask – I still don’t know what was so mesmerizing about it). When he finished his call, I was still swinging my head in sync with ‘the swing’!!!

So, finalllyyyy came the joining day (YES!!! Irrespective of my total gavar, angutha chap behavior I did get selected). Everyone (my co-joinees) was very excited and anxious to meet the partner – except me, who was pretty calmed down about it. I had always read about partners in my books in graduation. For every problem we were given, there was always a ‘X is partner of Y firm’, so for me any partner was as normal and random as a ‘X’. It took a couple of days for it to sink into my head, what it was being a partner in Ernst & Young – one of the five (it is four now) largest international accountancy and professional services firm in the world!!!! I was so unreasonably naive!!!!

The initial days, when I was not allotted any work, I observed all my seniors. They always had prints of some or the other balance sheets of clients which they were working on. There were a lot of annual reports which were given to us, so we can read through. I browsed through a few now and then and was awestruck by the fact that every balance sheet there, each one of them, had tallied – for me, (whose only knowledge was limited to college) cumulatively in all those five years (2 years of +1 +2 & 3 years of graduation) when I studied commerce, I would have tallied some five balance sheets (“cumulatively”)!! I was floored!! I marveled at the fact that the firm was filled with geniuses who could tally any and all balance sheets!!! It took me my first assignment to understand that it was not a rare skill. Firstly, it was always done by client personnel. Secondly, almost everything was system generated.

Now, as I think of it, it sounds hilarious. Back then, it was pure excitement. I got back home every day describing how amazing that place was. How beautiful the decor was, how smart the people were. It took couple of late nights, extremely crazy work hours and irrational bossism to sedate the excitement!!!

After 6+ years in this industry and working for three such firms, I am now not excited anymore, but fascinated definitely I am, at their amazing knowledge base (in people and in paper), never ending work hours, extremely dependable manpower, aggressive leadership and how things are always needed on a yesterday basis and yet things to get done ON TIME!!

It’s a different world out here….to say the least!

Living it!

It’s that time of the year when the calendar is filled with festivals – Eid, Navaratri, Diwali… Everyone…(well..almost everyone) is excited for some reason or the other…some for the thrill of festivities, the foodies of course have a feast all through, some lazy types like me thrive on the holidays and in the place I come from, they are more than elated about the 10 day term break they earned after four full terms of stress and distress!!

We have a Dandiya-Nite today in the campus. It promises to be great fun and energies are obviously running high!! I have one and precisely ONLY ONE memory of Dandiya and oh man what a fun it was!! This was about three years back – when few of us were planning for dandiya. After days of emotionally traumatizing my mom of how I would be missing on so much fun, and trading off by doing something which I dreaded and something she despartely needed me to do (which was getting a photo of mine clicked for 'ladke waale'), after assurance I would be in safe hands etc etc I finnaallly got the nod.

So, around eight of us went on an evening, all excited and thrilled. We ended up going to one of the expensive dandiya locations and that realization dawned upon us when we shelled out money for the entry ticket. Boyy….what a place it was - filled with laughter, colors, nonchalant chatter and music. There were people who matched the beat and the rhythm so well…..sooo very well…I was fascinated by the grace in their movements, rhythmic flow of steps, synch between absolute strangers (who for sure haven’t ‘rehearsed’ together)….it was amazinnggg….I was having fun watching them, when we thought it’s high time we try a step or two….so we all went in to dance or 'try' rather. For the novices that we were, we chose to form our own little circle. In total contrast to the veterans, we were totally out of rhythm, ridiculously clumsy and I wouldn’t even want to mention our co-ordination!!! But, it was absolute fun!!!!

Tired after a while, we decided to munch on something. We went around the stalls in search of food. We probably bought a plate or two of the super expensive chat and decided would share it. It very very obviously did not suffice the group of eight or six that we were. We decided it’s too expensive in there to have food and considering we had enough ‘hands-on’ of dandiya and more importantly, the perpetual 'kangals' that we were, we decided to move out and have food elsewhere. We left on our bikes, totally high from the excitement. Cool breeze, lovely night, empty roads – wait, did I say empty roads? I should rephrase it to 'totally deserted roads' – it was 2:00 AM and evidently, there was not a single food joint open. We checked out places where they served midnight buffet only to see that they were scraping out pieces of leftovers, if any!! It was already about 3:00AM then. We wandered randomly, in search of food and then decided to go home finally. This sensible thought struck us only around 3:30AM or about that time. With me was Nandu, whom I would rather call family than a friend, he lived right across the street from my house. I have known him ever since he was a kid (and he still remains so). This dude, me and his khatara kinetic – we definitely had some of the best times together. If I had a younger brother, he would be someone like him and I am convinced about that. (Getting back to the topic) Nandu and me bid goodbye to the other folks in the group. We were giggling, chatting away, driving in the cold morning and were still searching for food. We then found this blessing in disguise of a sandwich stall...realized it was the month of Ramadan and hence there was food available at that hour of the day. We hogged on the yummmmmyyyy sandwiches (well….if you are hungry at 4:30AM any food would taste delicious) happy and pleased with ourselves went back home around 5:30AM!!!

It was a day filled with fun, excitement, thrill, tad bit of craziness of driving at extreme speeds at that hour of the night (or day as you would choose to call 2:00AM and beyond - looking back it feels scary now!). I am sure I cannot relive the moment but I am more than glad I lived it!!!

P.S: Did I mention that in an attempt to play Dandiya, I managed to miff few fingers of the brave-hearted who tried to teach me a step or two!

Reason? Season? Occasion? Or...

You would be introduced to a person, share a joke, help each other and bid your goodbyes when it’s time to leave. When you meet subsequently, this person conveniently ignores you, you find it funny and rude, but care a damn! For instance, there was this one girl I met at a face painting competition, I helped her when she had her face painted, we joked on how she looked, we were sweet to each other and also said our goodbyes with a note of meeting again. Then, couple of days later, I meet her at the next event and she just walks past me...for sure she didn't manage to upset my emotions of anger or disappointment by doing that! People like these; they are there for an occasion, not a thing more or less – just that – an occasion!!

Some, you meet during a phase in your life, they help you get through it or get over it and then they vanish. Like, last year when I was preparing for my certification, I knew these people, a guy who was giving the exam with me and another, a faculty who taught us – who were very helpful and supportive all through my study. I thanked them after I cleared my exam; spoke to them relatively little after, exchange an occasional hello-hi e-mails and haven't met them again till date. At the cost of sounding self centred opportunist, I would say, we meet such kinds for a reason!!

There are others, whom you would strike a conversation with in a jiffy, continue keeping in touch after you part your ways, you share moments of laughter, which would nurture from acquaintance into an interesting friendship. Sometimes they are there forever and at times they just are not there. In cases of absence, your questions of ‘where were you?’ would be delicately put not to give away the concern and the demanding tone!! For all you know, these are friends for a season – not the fair weather, just a random season!!

Then there are people whom you meet pretty often, but neither would acknowledge the presence of the other. The kind whose very aura puts you off, to whom you would not mind being rude for no reason and you do not, at any point in time, intend or make an attempt to know them. (I have toooo many of them – so chose not to quote either here). People like these are just there – no reason, season or occasion – just there!

Again, there are friends, you hardly remember how you met them, the first introductions, how your friendship grew stronger by the day. It just feels these strong bonds have been there since the day one!! Over a period, you may not meet them day after day but moments spent with them are memories – memories of the crazy, silly, fun, low moments spent together which you reminisce every time you get together. You would know these are people not for a reason, season or an occasion, they are for a lifetime!

P.S: No reference to any instance in the season or the lifetime is a deliberate attempt, in a hope that the crazy people I met through the ‘season’ would be there through the lifetime and for the ones already victimized for the lifetime just don’t need a reference!