Then and Now, How!!!!!

 

Long long ago but not very long ago, when I heard my grandmas start with “maa kalam lo aitey” it meant a conversation loaded with skepticism about me and my generation….little did I realize that they had some very interesting and insightful tales to tell J

I can’t put my finger on when exactly I started using similar phrases, but start I did! We are sooooo far away from the 70s and 80s that, when you show endangered traits of ethics, humility and loyalty people end up asking “meeru 70s/ early 80s model aa?” :D :D

As I thought through and observed over a period of time, I did realise that few things hadn't changed, it was just the perception that did, but few things DID change and my valuable unsolicited opinion on them are painfully illustrated below:

THEN	NOW
Our parents used to send us off to their parents’ place.	Most of us pack up the troubles and send them off to camps!
It was thrilling to get a personalized greeting/post card, even though you knew a similar card may have reached a huge chunk of humanity, it was still endearing to read your name above and the sign below!	The very fact that someone has taken the time out to actually type in your email ID and sent in an e-card is touching!! (who said emotions have dwindled)
The then snail mail – The joy of  receiving an authentic hand written letter from a friend/cousin and the thrill of opening it carefully, since the slightest gash may mean an incomplete sentence….that joy, that thrill remains unparalleled!!!	The now snail mail – all you get by post now are your mounting credit card statements and waning bank account statements!   The now e-mail – thanks to the absurd emails of ‘find love!’, ‘you have won $300,00,000’, ‘Your June eStatement’, ‘Transaction Alert!’, that when you get even a two liner from an ACTUAL person, you most often than not, read it twice J
If you were feeling low and wanted some retail therapy, you would go the nearest flea market bargain yet hardly buy, roam around, have fun looking at new collections and get home.	Now you still continue to feel low and still feel a pressing need for retail therapy, but all you have to do to feel better is, login and buy something online!
We were mostly on a see food diet, we saw food and we ate it!	We don’t drink maaza since it is contaminated, we cut down on most fruits as they have carbide, we are skeptical about veggies as they have chemicals written all over them, we are vary of soft drinks as they have pesticides, we  aren’t sure about Maggie since there is some appalling video doing rounds!!! Thank god I can have a glass of water in peace or can I?
Long hair.	Longing for hair!!!

After saying allllll that I have said above and still not saying most of it, I will never know how it feels to be a teenager having some cool gadgets/apps and they will never know what it feels like to push a VHS tape into a VCR :P :P

Who's Buying????

A and me were watching TV (a very rare occurrence) and there were sooooo many commercials! That’s not the point, the point is while watching one of those I said “kaun khareed ta hai yeh sab? Kya faltu ad hai” and A said, “you aren’t their target audience”!

That got me thinking, realllyyy thinking, I started watching commercials profoundly and I realized (based on what and how they are trying to sell):

·       Fastrack watches clearly aren’t for me – definitely NOT, though I have couple of those in reality!

·       Raaga collection – only if my arms/forearms/wrist is anywhere closer to what Katrina Kaif’s is – which in current day is not even a distant possibility!

·       Levis – to be bought only if you are running all day and jumping balconies!!!

·       Maaza – Who in the world drinks it like Katrina? I just gulp it down my throat!

So, is the TV not selling me anything at all?????

It is:

·        Harpic – an extremely fake ‘ordinary’ looking housewife opening the door for a semi-celebrity to clean up her washroom.

·       Moov – it’s a must to remember the ad and the product every time a mom/home makers have an aching back, because the other half of the humanity is likely only to have low energy levels not back aches.

·       Dish washing soaps – again a housewife profoundly immersed in a ‘family soap’, being disturbed only to sell a ‘washing soap’!

·       Ready-to-eat snacks - Inspite of the fact that I can’t picture Kareena Kapoor even lifting a spoon in her kitchen,I did try these!

As someone aptly said – “Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need”

Hammering - Literally!!!!!

One day, I met a very standard looking couple in the elevator, the guy introduced himself as the owner of the apartment above ours and then, after that one single sentence, there was nothing normal about them anymore!

Preceding Days’ Story:

Out of the blue, one fine morning there was this earth-shattering sound from above our house, so agonizing that I, along with my son had to spend most of the day out…at the end of that day when I thought it was over, it had actually just begun!

There were hammering sounds allllllllllllll day to an extent that, even my three year old says “amma malli modalupettaru” (they started again)…In an attempt to be a thoughtful, co-operative neighbor having tolerance to the art of carpentry, we all put up with it in silence….until….

One early morning, as early as 3:30AM, the haunting tak-tak was back! At first, we thought our subconscious got so used to the noises that, it had become background score for our dreams…..but then we realized, it was ACTUALLYYYY happening and at 3:30AM! My husband, A, got furious and walked up to see that, there were loads of people busily moving around in colorful pattu sarees….much to their dismay, A didn’t seem like a guest, so they called the carpentry employment creating owner! When ashish complained about the clatter, this guy asked “now? Or the daily work?”. Seriously?? This guy seriously thought we were up at 3:30AM to complain about the daily hubbub??????

Present Day Story:

But yet, the story continued for months after, when this afternoon it just got way beyond the tolerance levels and it seemed like we are living in joinery workshop…I crashed into their house and yelled at the workers asking if they were building him (the owner) a Taj Mahal, that’s when I realized atleast two workers came out of each room (a 3BHK) and that’s way tooo many carpenters, unless ofcourse they are actually building a Taj Mahal.

I look around and I don’t see a single fully completed box!!!! The house is filled with all types of wood material; saw dust, logs, blocks, racks, sheets and pieces of wood!! In this age of modular furniture, I have no idea what this guy is trying to do, apart from ofcourse creating employment and giving life to dying art forms!! The cutting, drilling, hammering, sawing has been going on for soooo many months now that, with all the wages, the carpenters must be building their own new house!

It is indeed very aptly said that, it is easier to love humanity as a whole than to love one's neighbor!!!

Auntzilla!!!

So….a cousin and I were having a silly, no-point discussion and then the third entered and just said few simple words “you both have become such aunties” then, I tried to bully him with no satisfactory results!!!

But it got me thinking, what defines to be an aunty – when you share your everyday menu? Spend considerable amount of your time in the kitchen, cooking, scrubbing, cleaning, and washing? Is it when your age starts to get into mind boggling figures of 30 and above or is it when your waist line is above 34?

After some thinking and putting my teensy-weensy brain cells to work, I comprehended that, it is when:

·         You see these absolutely beautiful, awe striking hugeee houses and the first things you wonder about is –“how do they maintain it?”, “how do they manage when the maid takes an off??” and “how do they afford their EMIs???”……and then slowly comes in the admiration for the architectural intelligence :D

·         Tea is more of a chore than a refreshing hot beverage!

·         You feel sad when your husband works on a day off, but are shattered when your maid takes an off!

·         You hear a new-age concept like a live-in or witness a funky hairdo, your immediate reaction is rocking your head sideways in disappointment and then think “I might take a whole lifetime to recover if my kids get there”

·         You look at teenage kids hanging around jobless and instead of thinking “been there, done that” you end up thinking “when do they do their homework???”

·         You almost do a serious penance every single day, but break each self-made rule by having an opinion about anything that crawls/walks/breathes!!!!

But the commonestttt of all is, that something somewhere breaking inside of you into a million pieces every time you hear someone call you “aunty-aunty-aunty”

Regardless of alllll and more of the above – there are the YO aunties and there are the sad aunties – without any further notes on this – I am the former!!!

The Phenomenon of Disrememberance!!!!!!

My husband forgot ME – yes, not a wallet, not keys, not a laptop, not some paper but ME, the living, walking, forever talking ME!!! How did this not-so-common marvel ensue?????

It was the last day of our 9 year old extremely lucky and long-suffering vehicle and we were all emotional about its parting, understandably he was much much more attached to it than I was, to an extent that, I had a preview of what could happen if we had a daughter and my husband had to see her off to someplace else!!! So, getting back to why I started……The previous evening we had decided we would drop-off the kid at school and then after a small drive he will put me in an auto to home, as it would be our last drive in our car. So, as discussed we went to school, I got down to drop the kid indoors and talk to the teacher, I waved my little one bye promising him that I would return in couple of hours and I walked out excited to tell Ashish the reactions(as it was still early days in school), just to fathom that he was gone and so was the bag which had my phone, wallet and keys!!!!

I contemplated for a few seconds if I could take an auto to his workplace, but how would I call? If I could take an auto home, but how would I pay? Even if I borrowed the money from a neighbor – how would I get inside the house?

I considered borrowing a phone from a passerby and making a call, but for all the sham requests they get these days, the last thing I wanted then was to be looked at as a faux!! I was hoping for a known face to show up, which happens every other day but then!!! It struck me that I could go back to school and request for a call, but I had to wait for my bawling kid to go upstairs before I re-entered!! So, I finally get to the landline and it is out-of-order, I catch hold of a maid and she tries to dial his number and the key ‘3’ isn’t working and ironically Ashish’s number has like three 3’s!!!!

Finallllllyyyyyyyy I get to the point where his phone is ringing, he picks the call and says “you forgot your bag”!!!! Seriously??? I waited along for him to come back and said “I realized you forgot the bag when, I parked and was glancing at the vehicle for the last time” again SERIOUSLY??????SERIOUSLY???? And then I thought it was time that I break the appalling news to him that  it wasn’t me who forgot my priced possession but it was HE who forgot ME!!!!!! Phew!

Fuel of Life!

One normal Thursday evening I had an appointment with my gynec, she reads the reports casually, flips through some pages here and there in my file and imperturbably says “let’s get you admitted” and then there was nothing normal about that day anymore!

The following Sunday, the hospital room saw allll of my family, all nervous as I was being prepped for the surgery to follow – I was for some extremely odd reason awfully relaxed – maybe because I was ignorant about how crucial the surgery was or that I had trust in my doc or most notably because I had alllll of ‘my people’ around me and they took the nervousness away by just being there!

While my mom, my husband, my in-laws, my aunts/uncles where stressed about the surgery, I was very happy that I was being taken reverse in a wheelchair to the OT (I have this absurd penchant for anything that goes reverse – car/bike/auto)!!!

I don’t remember few hours after that, but when I was wheeled out of the OT and shifted to my bed, I could hear lot of animated tones discussing whether I knew or not….I so wanted to ask/yell but could barely find my voice and then I heard someone ask me if I knew – I gestured a big NO and then they said…….“it’s a boy” – I touched him briefly and…..in a terrifically positive way –  my world has never been the same ever since!

Initial days were of panic……I didn’t feel like a Karan Johar-movie Mother, the responsibility hit me in the face, knocked me out for couple of days and thanks to the ceaseless sleepless nights I could never figure out anything!!! Slowly, my mom and my husband got me back on track to the world of sanity and ever since it has been an enduring task to stay that way!!

As aptly said by Meryl Steep – Motherhood has a very humanizing effect, everything gets reduced to essentials!!! Extracts of my little learning:

• 
  
  

  ·         Sleeping without a break is long forgotten!

  
  

  ·         Washroom – the very going is a challenge!!

  
  

  ·         Eating without having to get up atleast once – blue moon probably occurs more often

  
  

  ·         When I want to eat something yummm and also have it ready and sometime have even started to eat, at that precise minute there will be a kid-loo-calling moment!!

  
  

  ·         When with all the care and silence I put him to bed (esp in the noon) there will be a loud knock on the door or the damn phone goes off and…..of course he is awake!

  
  

  ·         If in case you ever liked monsoons, you will dread them now because monsoon means – running nose, allergies, coughs, cold, infections!!!

  
  

  ·         I am done with all the household work that can be thought of and want to quickly take a nap beside the little one, I lie down and stretch legs starting to feel the bliss, when…..the kid’s done with his nap and is up!

  
  

  ·         In my past I was forever hooked on to the phone, now, I had couple of instances where I left my phone in a kitchen draw/refrigerator and it took me most of the day to figure it out :D

  
  

  ·         I am soo used to my tot sticking on to me, that it feels stroppy to walk bare handed anywhere!!
·         Going alone anywhere, feels like a vacation!!
 

I want to, at mostttt of these times, yell scream guts out, and am tired by the end of the day, just want to crash on the bed….. lights out and the tiny little one cuddles in, gives the sweetest little puppy on my cheek and says “dalyu mamma” (my son’s way of saying “love you mamma”) and then………you don’t mind any of it, in fact you love your day!!!

My husband once asked me how much I love my son, I was confounded he asked and all I could say was “he is a part of me”!!!!

Advices - Unlimited!!!!

Doc: You see this thing flickering? That's the heart beat :-)

Me: You mean, it's positive?

Doc: Yes Smitha, ofcourse it is!

Me to Ashish: Mere andar abhi do heart hai!!!!

Then the started the journey of hope, panic, joy, apprehensions, planning, paranoia, stress, care, morning sickness, frustrations, anticipation and numerous other humanly emotions, ofcourse followed by advices - unlimited!!

General perception: You HAVE to and CAN eat ANYTHING you wish for, all through!

Doc: Watch your weight!

Dietician: Watch your calories!

Random Aunty 1: You should eat loads of fruits, except papaya and pineapple!

Random Aunty 2: Don't eat banana - the baby's head will grow big!

Random Aunty 3: Don't eat Kala Jamun - the baby will be born dark!

Random Aunty 4: Don't eat sesame and amla!

Random Aunty 5: Don't eat custard apple!

Dietician: Eat lots and lots of green leafy vegetables

Random Aunty 6: Doctors keep saying that all the time, but don't eat Ceylon Spinach at all!!!

Random Aunty 7: Reduce spinach intake

Dietician: Avoid juices, eat whole fruits

Random Aunty 8: Drink lotsssss of juices!

(There are unlimited number of Random Aunties - contributing to the unlimited advices!)

"The news" gets everyone exciting, some get more than just excited! When they see you next, some get delirious with joy!

Random Aunty 1: When is your due date?

Me: 14th!

Random Aunty 1: Can you wait till the 23rd? Its my daughter's birthday!!

Random Aunty 2: When is your due date?

Me: 14th!

Random Aunty 2: Can you wait till 15th? He/She and I will be sharing the same birth stone!

Just to ask the excited souls - What am I supposed to postpone???? My train journey?????

Exercising is like the favourite topic for all and sundry! Ofcourse like most of other things, everyone knows everything!!

Random Aunty 1: Take stairs all the time, even if you can't force yourself! It helps!!

Random Aunty 2: DONOT take stairs, avoid them big time!

85year old uncle: You SHOULD walk, even if it rains!

Random Aunty 3: DONOT step out even if it drizzles, you don't want to slip, do you??

55 year old uncle: You HAVE to start working out immediately after, else you will have problems post 15years, I am saying this out of experience!!

Me (in my head): Experience?????? Uncle?????You are serious???

Random Uncle: Exercise is mosttt important, take five steps everyday, neither less nor more!

Me (in my head): what am I supposed to do if my I have to take more than that to reach my room? Wait for another day?????)

There are also a different category of advisors, those who I bet my life haven't followed it ever when they had to!

Random Aunty: Not eating Papaya is just a myth, you can eat one, it's very high in protien called Papain, which is good for the system.

Me: Did you have it aunty, when it was your time? (which was approx 32yrs back)

Random Aunty: No, I was consumed by the myth, but you can try!

Me (in my head): Oh really??? Why the hell would I be so adventurous to experiment with a myth older than I am??? You think I am crazy? or dumb? or both???

A neighbour who owns a gym: Never go by "you are eating for 2 funda". Just eat for yourself! You have to keep exercising, irrespective of whether you have energy or not! Blah...blah...blah...of 45minutes and then she says there will be loads of people giving you insane and unwanted advices, just ignore them!

Me (in my head): Oh yeah???? Can I ignore you??? Right away???

Cherry on the cake is this one com(pli)ment!

I happened to attend wedding of an old college friend, where I met another friend's wife

She: No kids yet?

Me: I am expecting, its the 7th month :-)

She: OHHHH! Can't really make out! :O :O

Me: Was blushing and feeling good about "maintaining" myself !!

She: This happens when you have always been plump, its difficult to say!!

Me: :-( / x-( / :-

So, thats that!!! All said and done - I can't wait for the next pregnant woman to pass on advices - solicited and otherwise!!! EHAHAHAHAHAHA - Yes, I am the next Random Aunty!!!!!