The Journey of Hopelessness!

So, anyone who knows me better would know the legendary tales of my cell phones!! Yes, the plural is intended! For all those who have feeble remembrance and for those who are new additions to my friends list here is the account!

My very first cell phone, was the big blue toughy – Nokia 3310!!! It was bought by my bro…I was stuck to it all day long, played snake – the only mobile game I ever learnt! I was very fond of it and flaunted it at every chance I had….until one day…..when I was in the front room (which was open to public view) of my office. I was waiting for a call…I did receive the call but on the office landline, so I ran to take it and after a chat of 15-20mins I hang up and start working on some files when I realize an essential part of my routine of checking for sms is missing – I rush to the front room to find my macho cell, only to realize it had found its new owner unknown to me!! I cried rivers over the loss of it!!

My brother again buys me a Nokia cell, with a promise from me to take very good care of it! After a lot of introspection I realized I lost the cell because I didn’t have a twine to it…so…this time I work on my mistake and buy a twine and always hanged it around my neck…..I felt this was safe….but not to forget, I don’t repeat my mistakes I just make new ones every other time….so, this time, I attended this one wedding when I thought it was drastically against the dress code to hang the cell around my neck and so put it in my bag, a bag which didn’t close properly (the fact which I ignored then)….and that was the last I saw of it….the phone was very conveniently pulled out – the twine made whosoever’s work easier!

Not very surprisingly, I was denied a mobile at home!

Months passed by and I had to go work in an other city for few months…..since, it was the first time I ever left home (to work outside of my city) it was vital that I stay in touch….so….I was “forced” to buy a new mobile…. I was bored of using (read it as ‘losing’) Nokia, so I bought a Sony Ericsson – which was THE most frail mobile I used till date, it had a flimsy keypad and was indeed very fragile! Now this is the best part – I don’t even remember why I discarded this one – I would have battered it to death or would have lost it!!

Then I took my brother's Samsung and another Sony – all very fancy, my first “color” phones, BUT again sadly I don’t remember how or why I parted with them! For all those people who have noticed the common trend in all these using-losing cell phones, YES, it was always my brother who bought all the lost ones for me… after a while he stopped doing it, to induce a sense of responsibility, he tried making me spend my money – it didn’t make much of a difference, I still lost plenty of them!!

In yet another instance, I had this Nokia 3230 – a very nice fundu phone (back then)….I dropped it down!! I don’t know how, it just fell and the screen had a fracture…the LCD had a major damage and I was suggested I call a Nokia care 24/7 customer service…I managed to get the number and called them….in the anxiety that the most expensive of my mobiles is on its journey to disaster, I started explaining the customer service executive what exactly I was seeing of the mobile – I told him “there are colorful juices flowing in the display screen, but I can't touch then, they are inside” – the executive on the other line was mum – I can bet anything, he put the phone on mute and laughed his heart out at the unembellished description I gave! I don’t remember a thing about that cell phone after this incident!

This one time, I put the mobile aside to pay the auto wala his fare and happy with the fact that I finally reached office, I stepped out of the auto and my cell still continued its ride into the city with him….I realized it when I was in the lobby of the office and I screamed (literally) in realization of my loss – the security and me both ran to the main road to try my luck and see if I could recognize the auto – all I had for description of the auto to explain to the security was “bhaiyya it had a green seat”!! “Green seat” an identification to single out an auto in zillions that were there???

Oh yeah and this one, you should know – most hilarious (until the next happened) – I was in the US of A, my then fiancée and now husband had given me a phone to keep in touch during the visit…one day we were both to go out to meet someone and as usual I was the one who was the potential cause for delay and living upto it, I was late! To add to it, I was just not finding my hand phone…in hurry and an effort not to annoy him, I decided there wasn’t a burning need for me to spend half hour searching for the mobile in an already delayed schedule. So, I went out without that….happy to meet someone new and in all the excitement we got back home. What I see when I get back? his aunt had my cell phone in her hand….she smiled and held it up to me, the reason for the smile was – this one was found in the tracks I wore last night…..the reason isn’t complete yet – these tracks were put for wash and then in a 100% dryer – the phone got washed and dried! No ray of hope whatsoever!

Very recently, as recent as yesterday – it was that time of the year when I lose my mobile, but this time you will be surprised I still didn’t lose it, this one just went for water diving and choked itself to death….there were slight hopes still to recover, which I eradicated! I dropped the cell accidentally in the washroom and the rest is history…in obvious reflex and an effort to "cealn" it, I put it under running water!! When I realized what my reflexes did, I tried drying up all the parts, but it just wouldn’t recuperate – my mobile now refuses to work!!

Every time I lost a mobile, I cried…first it was like flooded rivers, then the intensity of the floods came down….and as the number of occurrences increased, the less I bothered to shed a tear, so much so that, I fail to remember the last mobile I cried for!! Thus, consistently and progressively I stay hopeless!!

I am yet to buy a new mobile and have gone three full days without one….it’s funny how it feels to not have it.....I feel so disconnected and empty….Staying connected without a cell phone is a long forgotten memory now! We hardly remember how we communicated way back when there were no cell phones….how did we wish friends on birthdays? How did you tell your boss you were taking an off? How did you communicate at home if you were late? How did you converse with your friends to vent out?

But, on second thoughts, do we really stay “connected” having cell phones with us? The advent of cell phones to most extent does not change the fact of keeping in touch or otherwise!! Then and now – it’s the “intent” which makes the difference – I deem!

P.S: My mom tries my mobile on Day 1 and thinks I am studying or I am sick with a head ache and hence it was sw/off. She re-tries on Day 2 and when it continues to hold the same status, she knew I couldn't study that long and so she calls my husband and the first thing she asked me was "did you put the mobile in washing machine or mixer?"

Coffee Pot!!

What do you do when you want to...

• SEE people
• DRAW flipcharts
• FEEL important
• IMPRESS Colleagues

and....want an alternative to work???

You do "TRAINING"!!! a national one is recommended!

That's exactly what I was assigned to for a week long!!

So...another co-worker and me get onto a flight to Kolkatta!! Then starts the story!!

One look at the directions from airport to the Guest House (GH) and I was sure, its gonna take quite some time to get there....need an illustration of the precise instructions? here you go...

• White building with green glass on your left side….
• Green building with green glass windows in "front" to your "right"...
• Take the "wrong" lane....
• Pink and Maroon building (apparently our GH) on your right....

Lemme see...err....in an area full of modern time structures, with fancy architecture....are these combinations "one of their kind"??? Saying, there isn't a remotest possibility of we reaching the place (on basis of these instructions) would be an understatement - unless a MIRACLE happens!!

and..... IT happened!

We met two others (potential lost souls) from the other region at airport - talk about advantages of a national training!!

We all set out to hunt for the place, while the three of us were trying to figure out the colors of buildings around us, one guy did the running around to get clues for our hunt – 15minutes go by, we asked atleast about half a dozen people and no one has a clue – where the hell was this freaking Pink & Maroon building???

Then came a ray of hope and we figured out which building it was! Thus ended the adventurous GH hunt!

Day 1:

With a lot of excitement, we enter the training room and a warm gush of strong odor of suffocation welcomes us…. then the historical AC was switched on, it made a thundering effect and we were all waiting with wishful yearning eyes to feel the cold air blowing by….we waited….waited and waited more….but nothing happened!! The AC was not functioning…..Welcome aboard to all new joiners!!!

We go sit on the chairs and realize, the infrastructure was well planned….the chairs didn’t have an arm rest, a deliberate attempt to induce wee bit of discomfort in an already uncomfortable environment..….to ensure the participants are forced to stay awake (I can’t think of any other reason, why the arm rests were missing)!!

We try to lean on the desks/tables and realize, the more we lean on them, the farther they go…I mean, which table has WHEELS??? Especially tables in training rooms, where you are expected to write!!! Wheels???? To tables???? Yet can’t fathom it!

We actually "had" to be alert - why?? all over the floor were extension boxes (live electricity)….plugs, wires, LAN cables etc etc etc., We literally were on our toes all during the session!

Undeterred by the circumstances, we were all trying hard to concentrate on what’s being taught – then comes one of the admin staff and announces that there is a “slight” tornado forecasted – I know we should not panic during emergencies, but what’s “slight” about a “tornado”???

This training was so important we couldn’t let things that are more important interfere with it….So, petrified with our fortitude; the forecasted “slight” tornado shifted its course!!!

Day 2:

I was very very sleepy and it was just not in me to stay awake…I was conscious of being caught by the co-instructor who was much more alert than the one who was putting us to sleep…..during my struggle to pin my eyes open, I realize the co-instructor yawning and trying not to look bored but giving away his feelings!! The instructor, was consistent – irrespective of an attendee or speaker, he put us all to sleep!!

We all talk funnily at times, using drastically contradictory words. For instance, I once introduced my neighbour to a cousin of mine, saying "she is the only neighbour I know, apart from two others"....that's the way we are made, a little imperfect and instructors are no exceptions…so this one says “Sometimes the more less you talk, the better” at the least five times in a day!

The training starts at 9:30 AM and ends around 7:30 PM, we were put up at a god forsaken place, from where it took atleast an hour to reach any civilization, to add on, we were in a city that sleeps early and the trainer (the one who earlier in the day, put us to sleep) actually ACTUALLY asks us (after the session ends at 7:30+) “what’s your plan for the day?” If I may ask you - where’s your logic man?? Or do you think training doesn’t really require using that cell of your brain??

Day 3:

We discuss stuff amongst our group and I realize, not everyone is good at everything, but everyone is good at something!!

Day 4:

All through the days and nights that went by, we played games – simple, silly, interesting and funny games!! We formed opinions, we shared jokes and we had fun!!! Big Time fun!! The college types – free of corporate insincerity!!

Day 5:

We go out, hog on delicious food and we get back to GH……something obtuse strikes us and we decide to stay awake all night and go with the rest of the gang to visit few places next morning and get back before the training starts!!

Day 6:

Our insanity wins! We stay awake all night followed by early morning sight-seeing! We get back to training – rather we sleep walk back to the training!! Not a word of what’s being taught gets in, not a concept sinks in and at the end of the day – we win the group quiz (while 40% of the team is sluggish)!! In that state of trance, we bid good-bye to the dearest friends made in the shortest span of time and set out to leave for home and make it just in time for the flight!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For all the guys from the group – I am truly “coffee-potting” all the fun we had!

After all the varied experiences and diverse emotions - the frustration, the fun, the excitement, the boredom – I now know, we treated ourselves to memories, of a lifetime!!

End of monologue!

P.S: “Coffee-Pot” is a verb guessing game. A group (barring one, who is sent out) chooses a simple verb (remember, eat, dance etc.,) the one who was sent out has to find out which is the “mystery” verb by asking questions, the “verb” coffee-pot is provided to substitute the verb. (Example: “Do you coffeepot every day?")

Perceive, Pursue & Protect!

For someone who’s biggest academic achievement is a long lost memory, I have never ventured much into the academic arena. It didn’t take much out of me to keep it that way. I always managed keeping my work life not-so-happening, personal life a balanced wave and academic life dormant!!

Then out of the blue, with no notice whatsoever, crept in few crazy little ideas of future!! I started perceiving things from a different perspective; I started having scary thoughts of pursuing further academics :-O ….. The fact is I suspect I have very few grey cells in my head, I suppose the number is around three….for the first time all the three were put to task at once and the result was destructive…well ALMOST – I enrolled onto a professional course, which I deemed was a great value add!

I was an IDIOT!

I know you would agree with the statement and for all those who would want to say “I know you are, but why this time?” I’ll tell you why!! In the past, I quit my job (the one prior to the current) to get done with a course, which was half tough as this!! I actually QUIT my job, when all I had to do was work and study! There were only two aspects!!Now – not only is this course twice as hard as the earlier one, but I chose to do it while working, cooking, driving (it’s a task, a hideous one)!! WOW!! No WOW - CRAP - I have an emergency - the three grey cells have been assigned to perform one task each and now I have NO GREY CELLS left to retain what I study (when I study)!!

Perception behind the crazy decision – I have never had a professional qualification, but have always worked with people who have one or loads of them…. I have always, in the interviews (two of them for now) been told I can’t be given the position I deserve, since I am not a “QUALIFIED”….it didn’t matter to me much then and neither now…BUT when the three crazy grey things were put to work, MAYBE this side was ruptured and in that academically passionate moment, I decided to try being a professional (yet again)!!!

Current day situation – Five months after enrollment, post 14 classroom sessions – I haven’t touched my books. I do see them around in the house though!!

Current day frustration – I like assuming, I have too little time…too little energy….too little stamina….too much to handle and too much to study!! I like telling everyone I am BUSY, WANT to and YET can’t study. The actual FACTUAL thing is – I, am NOT trying! I am NOT putting in any effort whatsoever to pursue what I perceived! I denied accepting this, until…..

Yesterday, while I was watching the movie ‘In Pursuit of Happyness’ (it’s a awesomely touching movie), there was a particular dialogue, which just took me instantly, when Will Smith (“slurp-slurp-drooollll”) says “You got a dream, you gotta protect it” – how true!! How very true!!!

In my case, I gotta protect mine from myself, from the bad me in me!! If it takes pulling of a grey cell from one of the tasks (above) arbitrarily, I SHALL!!!

The Lost Guardian Angel!

After a very long time, I had taken an auto ride back home – WOW what an experience it was!!! Its like experiencing a roller coaster ride (an appalling one at that) in the heart of your city!

For all those people out there, who lead a dull life, being chauffer driven or self-drive very carefully, carving your way through traffic – lemme enlighten you….you unquestionably are missing something, something so very exhilarating!!!

On a weekday, preferably a Monday (for some unknown reason, I have observed that Mondays are jam packed) you just gotta hire an auto rickshaw from point A to Point B at around 6:30 PM or anytime after that….the auto vrooms, zooms, squeezes in through the smallest of gaps….Traffic rules do not matter…its all in the auto-wala's head, if he feels right to stop at red, he might….else….the vehicle is dragged mercilessly through the traffic!!!

The most exciting or in other words awe-inspiring experience would be when you spot a cab, and not ANY cab, it HAS to be ONLY Indica!! After a whole lot of honking, braking, you wish either the auto or the indica slows down – BUT, (you guessed it) neither do…..both fly….sometimes I wonder if they forget its an abused four wheeler or a rattled three wheeler which they are driving and unfortunately not a wiry bicycle!! Like someone rightly said, its like you are playing a video game, just that, the direction control is with an electrified unknown human in rush to get YOU to reach YOUR home!!!

I guess their indicators would be in a jam someday due to minimal or absolutely no usage!!! It’s the sign of heads and eyes (not even hands) that does the work! “Lemme overtake you” is sooo beautifully conveyed in their fierce one second glance to the co-electrified drivers!

They say, each one of us has a guardian angel….in these cases I guess, a whole set of guardian angels are out in their flying gear all set to guard us and in no time will they all be busy searching for the soul who was to be guarded!!!!!

It’s a perfect reflection of the busiest of worlds that we live in….flawless manifestation of the gung ho atmosphere that we so tirelessly fabricate around us, day after day after day!!

With all due respect to the world of electrified drivers – Please, never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly :-)

Living life in the fast lane!!!

Its funny how we get so damn busy....there was a time when I used to stop and recollect the fond memories of college, childhood - days when I was practically jobless and ofcourse careless.....I realised just this morning, that it has been ages since I even gave my jobless/careless days a thought!!! :-O
I never discerned the symptoms and the dreadful pattern of activities....everything was just fine and suddenly one day, I was struck with a busy life and I should say, it took me by mixed emotions of shock and surprise.

For all those naive, excited and over zealous souls, keep your eyes, ears and mind open to notice any of the below symptoms....for you may either want to put your foot down & opt to stop/slow OR you may already be running around so much that you will hardly find time to put that foot down - don't bother about the former, its just an eye-wash, the latter is the most happeneing - EHAHAHAHA!!!

1. Your weekend is always yesterday!


2. Your breakfast is skipped, lunch is gulped and dinner is bought!


3. One fine day, you see yourself and notice "I am in shape" (just that its round)


4. You love rain - its just that you say "@#%@&%# how do I get home?"


5. Almost every other day you wonder, where you are getting to!!!

Mr. John Jensen once said "The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry" - Smart chap, I should say!!!!
As for me - When I first heard this phrase, I loveeeddd the way it sounded - I was naive :-|

"Corporate" Wisdom??

After the glorious college days, I had a glamorous beginning to my career when I entered into the world of corporates!!!! First I was awestruck by their knowledge, their contacts, their meticulous planning....then there was this extreme emotion of shock when I learnt about the 'preach to never practise' and many such one-way applicable attitudes....After approximately 5.5years into this structurally unstructured world I can say, I am on my path to wisdom!!

The unknown "they" say, there are equations to life - true, very true - following are my take on equations to 'corporate' life:

• You bill your client in DOG hours and pay your staff in MAN hours - sure enough indicates, you are expected to work like a dog.


• Pay 3 persons salary to 1 person and make him feel blessed & important and then he HAS AN OPTION to take up 1/2 dozen persons load or 1/2 dozen +Team Lead's load or 1/2 dozen +Team Lead's load+ Manager's load - OFCOURSE, THE RIGHT to opt, lies very high up!


• You know how to click all the buttons in word & excel - knowledge of when to click what is an insult to the entire corporate world.


• You make optimum utilisation of English as a written & spoken language - your work is always "perfect", "great", "awesome", most likely than all, its "fair enough" - although in absolute reality the concept of fairness is extinct!!


• You insist that your staff work all days of the week including saturday and give them the "flexibility" of working from home on a Sunday - in case you are not insisting (yet), trust me, you are a total disgrace to the whole corporate boss world!!!


• You diligently conduct a GLOBAL survey every year and 'discuss' the concerns on work-life balance consistently year after year - I doubt if the survey results really need to be analysed (assuming they are) - where's the logic?? You are a DOG, you ONLY work....'work-life balance' is just another phrase!!!

I read a small story the other day, allow me to narrate it and your options are limited to reading on:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To surive sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up!!!!!

The Over Burdened Rich!!!

There is this one very posh, hip-hop-hep - in short - a super expensive gym, right in front of our office building. Everyday I pass by that road, I can't help but notice the long line of lambi chowdi, chamakti gadis. I wonder, every time, who has got the kind of money and more importantly the time to go to a gym at around 6:00 PM??? I was sure, they all must be super committed folks - committed to work out in spite of their busy schedules (I assumed they must be "busy" since they were "rich")!!! The rich, smart, busy species!! I kind of started having high regard for them, until......

One day on way back from work, I noticed a reallll longg and handsomeee black car, it zoomed by and stopped right near the steps to the gym. A guy in a white uniform came running and opened the front passenger door, there was this chauffeur driven not-so-good looking guy, who got down the car (while on his mobile - of course he "had" to be busy)...this guy didn't budge an inch to advance towards the door. I presumed, he waited to take his bag...but NO!!! This guy in the uniform rushed, opened the back door and carried the rich guy's "gym kit" for him and also held the door open for this not-so-good looking rich guy to walk in!!! I was glad, the guy in the uniform didn't "carry" the rich guy in and hope against the hopes the not-so-good looking rich guy was not disappointed by this lack of gesture!!!

I understand, this guy is rich...probably busy (though I am not sure anymore)...the kind who "think" they are independent - though when left alone, can't spot their toothpaste!!! The kind who need maids/valets etc....BUT, he is at the GYM!!!!!! Probably....logic evades him

He rather drive down and carry his bag inside - ofcourse apart from the terrible burden of carrying himself!!

Hereby I conclude, that rich needn't be busy and definetly not smart - they just need to be "RICH"!!!! :D :D

P.S: For all those out there, who after reading the post, are wondering about my fitness level - I am NOT overweight, I am just 10 inches too short!

P.P.S: Let me clarify - I am NOT against rich - I am just trying to analyse what it takes to get there and as long as its not being 'smart', I have no problem, whatsoever ;-)!!